


we all have baggage (but let's rewrite our futures)

by rochke11



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-06 21:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rochke11/pseuds/rochke11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after the death of her wife, Lexa and her daughter plan to spend the summer at her in-laws' lake house.  They've barely been there twelve hours before their neighbor shows up with blonde, greasy hair and stained clothes with her two kids in tow.  The story of a widow and a divorcee and the complicated relationships they have with their kids, and before long, each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> the clexa kids fic i've been promising forever...

It was Lexa’s sister Anya’s idea for her and Willow to spend the summer at Lake Polis. After the one year anniversary of the car accident Anya had brought up to Lexa the fact that she still hadn’t been up to the lake house that had been left to her in the wake of her wife and in-laws’ deaths and that it would probably be beneficial for Lexa and Willow to spend some time together away from TonDC and their apartment that still held the ghost of the woman that best kept their family of three together.  
It was in a moment of weakness that Lexa had conceded that she could probably work from home like she had been doing most of the past year that lead to her current situation, trying to figure out how she got so damn lost listening to the directions Apple Maps was giving her while her daughter sat in the backseat on her iPad watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants through headphones. Lexa knew she probably shouldn’t have gotten Willow the iPad for Christmas, she knew that while Willow had been wanting one for ages that Costia had believed she should wait until she was at least twelve to get one, but the rules changed when you were nine-years-old and you lost a parent in a car crash. The rules change when your remaining parent doesn’t know how to deal with the loss, or deal with parenting without her wife. The rules change when watching her open the iPad Christmas morning puts the biggest smile on her face that she’s had since the accident and results in her hugging you and admitting to the fact that she knows Santa isn’t real.  
So even though Willow had probably been spending too much time on her iPad, Lexa was glad for it. Or at least, she was usually glad for it as there were many times when she just didn’t know how to talk to her daughter, but lost in the middle of nowhere was not one of those moments.  
“Willow will you PLEASE take those headphones off? I need you to read me these directions,” Lexa looked back at the ten-year-old who was fully engrossed in her movie and ignoring everything she was saying. Careful to keep one hand steady on the wheel and her eyes only momentarily off the road, Lexa reached in to the backseat and yanked Willow’s headphone cord out of the iPad.  
“Hey!” Willow complained, “What was that for?” Her voice was shrill and full of annoyance.  
“You were obviously listening to that too loudly,” Lexa rolled her eyes and tossed her iPhone back at her daughter, “I need you to look at the map and read me the directions, I can’t look down at them while I’m driving.”  
Lexa didn’t have to look back to know that her daughter was rolling her eyes while unlocking the phone. “You’re lost, aren’t you?” the tween sassed.  
“I’m not lost,” her mother huffed back.  
“Mama never got us lost,” the girl in the back whispered under her breath.  
“What was that?” Lexa quipped back quickly.  
“I said take your next left,” her daughter returned.  
Lexa knew better than to reprimand her daughter and continued to follow her directions as they started to lead them to signs for Lake Polis. For not the first time that day she wished Costia was there. Even after a year there wasn’t a day that went by that Lexa didn’t wish for Costia to be alive. She wished it for every possible reason. She missed Costia with all her heart. She missed the way she could light up a room with her smile. She missed the way she always knew what to do when Willow was upset. She always knew what cereal to buy at the grocery store and how to pack their daughter’s lunch. Now that she was gone though, their home was rarely filled with smiles, Willow was upset more often than not, Lexa had purchased the wrong cereal on multiple occasions, and their daughter was buying lunch at school.  
As they drove through the small town of Polis, Lexa started to recognize landmarks such as Reyes’ Mechanics where she’d gone after her windshield wipers stopped working during her visit, the dive bar where she and Costia had watched crazy townies get way too into karaoke and the fortune teller’s where they’d both been told of finding love where they weren’t looking.  
“No more movie,” Lexa spoke sternly as she watched Willow go to plug her headphones back in to her iPad.  
“Why not?” the girl whined.  
“Because we’re almost there and you should be looking out the window, taking it all in,” Lexa sighed. She loved her daughter, despite all her recent pre-teen angst, but she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. In fact, she never wanted kids. Costia was the one who always wanted them. Costia had been an only child and had hated every moment of it, meanwhile Lexa had her older sister Anya and twin brother Lincoln. She’d never expected to have kids, but she was never able to say no to Costia. They’d compromised on one kid though. And even though Lexa had never wanted a child, she’d immediately fallen in love with Willow and the way she had completed their family. She may not have been perfect at the parenting thing, but she did love her daughter.  
As they pulled up to the house where Costia had spent her summers, Lexa tried not to think about the vacations she and her dead wife had taken there. Before Costia’s parents had moved from the city to the lake full time three years earlier, Lexa and Costia had spent many weekends vacationing at Lake Polis, particularly during their college years. It had been harder to get away after Willow was born and had only managed a handful of vacations. Lexa doubted that Willow even remembered the house at all.  
Lexa parked the car in the gravel driveway and searched around for the key to the house, which she should have put on her car keys, but had forgotten to.  
“Do you think the swing is still on the back porch?” came a quiet voice from the backseat.  
Lexa turned around to look at her daughter whose dark eyes shone with just a glimmer of the tears she refused to shed. “I’m sure it is,” Lexa offered the girl a reassuring smile.  
“You and Mama used to sit on it and talk after putting me to bed, but my bedroom was right there and usually the window was open to let in air, so I could always hear you,” Willow spoke wistfully. She must have been only five the last time they had come, but Lexa remembered well the hours she would spend with her wife after putting Willow to sleep. They would talk about everything and nothing on that porch swing, content to just sit with each other as they looked over the lake.  
“Maybe after we unpack we can scoop out some of that ice cream that is undoubtedly melting in the back as we speak and eat it out on the swing,” Lexa gave her peace offering.  
“Before dinner?” Willow questioned incredulously.  
“Sure, why not,” Lexa laughed back, causing a smile to erupt on the younger brunette’s face. If they were going to be spending three months together, just the two of them, without school and playdates and work to break up their time together, Lexa knew that she would have to find a way to connect with her daughter. And seeing her face light up again at the mention of ice cream, Lexa saw her first way in. In the year since Costia’s death, Lexa had watched Willow retreat in to herself and try and act older than she was, so maybe the key to connecting with her would be to remind her that she was still a kid. A kid who still had a mom who loved her, even if it was hard for her to show it some times.

 

* * *

 

“Ophelia Abigail Collins! What did I tell you about using my lipstick and putting it on your brother?” Clarke yelled up to the sheepish looking blonde at the top of the stairs, who simply shrugged in response. Clarke huffed and grabbed a tissue before kneeling down and rubbing the young boy’s face who clung to her leg. “Jacob, I know your sister might tell you that you have to do something, but if you don’t want to you can just say no.”  
“She said that I had to,” he pouted in response.  
Clarke sighed and gestured for Jacob to go back to watching TV in the living room while she walked up the stairs to talk to her daughter. The blonde child was slowly backing in to her bedroom.  
“To be fair, he said he wanted to wear it,” the girl explained as she noticed her mom following her in to the bedroom.  
“You can’t keep using your brother as a doll Fia,” Clarke sighed. It wasn’t the first time Ophelia had been bored and made Jacob either pretend to be her servant and fetch snacks for her, or do his hair and make up.  
“It’s not my fault there’s nothing else to do here. Why can’t we live in town with Grandma and Grandpa so I can see my friends easier?” Ophelia continued to pout.  
“You know your friends are always welcome to come over. And now that summer is here I’m sure they’ll come over even more often. Aunt Octavia and Uncle Lincoln will be here for the Memorial Day barbecue on Monday, I think even Uncle Bellamy and Aunt Echo are planning on coming as well,” Clarke spoke. Every year Clarke hosted a Memorial Day party to mark the start of the summer. She’d started the tradition the year she’d left Finn and moved in to her old family home on Lake Polis and this would be her fifth year hosting it.  
“Can I invite my school friends to come too?” Ophelia asked, “Because I don’t want to be around babies all day.”  
Clarke’s best friend from high school, Octavia and her brother Bellamy were both married and had kids, but Ophelia was older than all of them and often got annoyed by the younger children, something Clarke was well aware of. “Of course you can sweetheart,” Clarke responded, ruffling up the younger girl’s hair. She then turned more serious as she remembered why it was that she was reprimanding her daughter in the first place, “But if you keep tormenting Jacob, there will be repercussions. Got it?”  
“Yeah, yeah,” Fia sighed, her arms crossed across her chest. “Can I go outside and play now?”  
“That’s fine,” Clarke nodded, “Just don’t go in the lake until I come outside. I need to clean up your brother and finish cleaning up the syrup you two got all over the counter at breakfast.” Clarke knew that she was letting her daughter run the household, but sometimes that was easier than trying to control her. And she was always worse after she came back from her once a month weekend trips to stay with Finn. Ophelia smiled as she gestured for her mom to leave her room so that she could change in to her bathing suit. “And if you’re going roller blading, don’t forget your helmet and knee pads.”  
After leaving Ophelia, Clarke told Jacob that he could go play outside as well while she cleaned up. It was just after she had finished scrubbing syrup off the wall and vacuuming up Eggo waffles off the floor, Clarke was spent. She swore it was easier back when the kids were five and two and not ten and seven. It was when they were five and two that Clarke had left her cheating husband, and even that first year alone proved to be easier than it was now.  
Clarke’s dirty, greasy blonde hair was up in a messy bun and she sweat prickling her brow when Ophelia and Jacob both came running in to through the kitchen door, or in Ophelia’s case, roller balding.  
“What have I told you about roller blades in the house!” Clarke exclaimed, exasperated and nearly at her wit’s end.  
“Mom! There’s people in the Crewe house!” Ophelia exclaimed, steadying herself against the kitchen counter so that her feet didn’t run away beneath her.  
Clarke looked down at her children, both excited. She hadn’t seen them both smiling at the same time, over the same thing in a long time. “I guess someone finally bought the house,” she gathered. The house had stood empty for just over a year, ever since the previous occupants, a couple her parents’ age, had died in a car crash. She couldn’t remember the details of who had inherited the house, as the couple’s daughter had died along with them. She knew that someone had come to check on the house a few weeks after their deaths, but even while she’d been talking to the woman about it, she hadn’t been paying attention. It was easy to forget things that didn’t actually relate to her or her family.  
“I think they have kids!” Jacob added, a bright smile on his face as he bounced on the balls of his feet.  
“Oh yeah?” Clarke asked, putting down the sponge she was holding to give her children her full attention.  
“Can we go find out?” Jacob asked, a look of optimism on his face, hopeful of the fact that he could have a playmate for the summer other than his overbearing sister.  
Clarke glanced out the still-open kitchen door to where she could see the side of her neighbor’s house. “Okay,” she nodded before turning to rummage through the kitchen cabinets. Her children watched in confusion until she managed to pull out a not-yet stale box of black and white cookies. She emptied the cookies on to a kitchen plate, hoping they looked at least a little bit home-made. “Alright, let’s go,” she nodded.  
The older blonde saw her daughter look at Clarke’s outfit, but at that point there was really no hope. Clarke’s hair was a greasy mess and the t-shirt she was wearing with running shorts had a handful of stains of unknown origins, but the last time she had spoke to someone who’d at least hit puberty had been the pimple-ridden teenager at the grocery store two days previously. Her social skills weren’t exactly at their prime.  
At the last minute, Clarke remembered to put on her flip flops and followed Ophelia and Jacob out the door. She sighed as she watched Ophelia rollerblade on her neighbor’s lawn, likely destroying the grass, but decided not to start that battle. They made it to the front door, ready to knock, when they heard a voice coming from just behind the door.  
“I’m ten years old! I don’t need you to watch me in the water, I know how to swim!”  
Clarke chuckled and looked at her daughter, it was the same conversation she had with her own daughter on a regular basis. She was already pleased though that there seemed to be a girl her daughter’s age at the house.  
Only moments after knocking on the door it was opened by a young girl. The girl had messy dark curls and angry chocolate brown eyes set against caramel skin, a light in frustration. The young girl looked up at Clarke before turning her head to reveal hair that desperately needed to be tamed as she looked back in to her house. “Lexa! People are here!” she yelled.  
Clarke heard the sound of bare feet against the floor as a figure rounded the corner. As soon as Clarke observed the woman who arrived in the front hall, she became immediately self-conscious of the way she was dressed. The brunette who approached her was not wearing day-old gym clothes, but rather tailored pants and a silk blouse. Her hair was pulled neatly back in to a bun that looked nothing like Clarke’s own messy bun.  
“Hello?” the woman asked.  
“Hi,” Clarke smiled cheerfully, “We’re from next door and didn’t realize anyone was going to be here this summer until my kids mentioned seeing a car. I’m Clarke, Clarke Griffin. And this is Ophelia who’s ten and Jacob who’s seven.” She gestured to her children individually as she introduced them.  
The brunette offered Clarke a polite smile as she responded, “Pleasure to meet you Clarke. I’m Lexa and this is my daughter Willow.” Clarke briefly registered the fact that Willow had called Lexa by her first name as well as the fact that the two looked nothing alike, but didn’t dwell on the matter. “This was my in-laws’ home and it seemed prudent to put it to good use.”  
She heard Jacob whisper to Ophelia asking what prudent meant, but Clarke kept her focus on Lexa as she registered what she was hearing. She’d forgotten that Costia, her neighbors’ daughter, had been married. She’d known Costia better as a child, but after middle school she hadn’t kept up with her at all other than through brief interactions with her parents when they were neighbors.  
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Clarke finally responded, not entirely sure what to say. She saw Willow shuffle and look to her feet uncomfortably while Lexa offered Clarke a stiff smile.  
“Thank you,” Lexa nodded as her eyes shifted to the plate of cookies that the blonde was holding.  
“Oh!” Clarke perked up, “These are for you, a welcome to the neighborhood cookie plate.”  
“She got them from the store,” Willow added, much to Clarke’s embarrassment, an embarrassment that she failed to hide with the blush of her cheeks. “That’s a good thing though, she’s not good at making cookies.”  
Neither Clarke nor Lexa spoke next, but rather the other ten-year-old. “Lexa stinks at cooking to,” Willow said with a smirk, “I’d never want to eat her cookies either.” At that, everyone including Lexa and Clarke started laughing, though Lexa’s laughter appeared slightly more forced.  
“I’m sure you’re still busy moving in and everything, but how would you guys like to come over for dinner?” Clarke offered, “We can order pizza.”  
Lexa was nearly about to politely decline the offer when her daughter spoke for her, “That sounds awesome!” she grinned. And at the genuine smile, Lexa knew she couldn’t deny her daughter. Besides, maybe if Willow made a friend in Polis then Lexa wouldn’t be forced to spend so much time with the girl who clearly hated her.  
Clarke observed the way Lexa watched Willow’s response, and saw the way her bright green eyes softened with Willow’s smile. She could tell that there was some tension between Lexa and Willow, that much was obvious, but the minute change in Lexa’s gaze with Willow’s smile that there was real love there. Clarke wondered if those green eyes were always so telling, or if Clarke had caught the woman in a rare moment.  
“Does seven work?” the blonde asked after several beats of silence.  
“Yes, that sounds good Clarke,” Lexa responded, and Clarke smiled at the way the woman spoke her name and at the sight of those green eyes meeting hers.  
_Oh god_ , she thought as she smiled goofily, _I really can’t be trusted around attractive people. Not when I’ve pretty much been around only kids for five years. This is going to be a long summer._


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow explains why she doesn't call Lexa "Mom", Clarke talks about Finn and a surprise relation comes

Dinner at Clarke’s went surprisingly well. Ophelia and Willow got along very well and with another kid in the picture, Fia actually managed to include her brother in conversations and treated him as nearly her equal.  
Clarke and Lexa got along as well. After a few glasses of wine, Clarke had found herself talking about Finn.  
“So I get the impression that it’s just you and the kids,” Lexa broached the topic.  
Clarke took a large gulp of her wine and nodded, “Divorced five years.”  
“Wow,” Lexa spoke, shocked.  
“Apparently when we first got together, back in college I was the other woman. Although I didn’t learn that until after we were engaged. I should have taken that as a sign, but I married him anyway. I had suspicions that he was cheating on me several times in the first few years, but didn’t actually catch him until Fia was almost three. I was ready to leave him, but then found out I was pregnant with Jacob so I stayed. We tried to make it work, but he didn’t know how to stay monogamous so I left him right after Jacob turned two,” she offered her story.  
“Do you regret being with him?” Lexa asked. It was something she’d given thought to many a times since Costia’s death, unsure if the memories were worth the pain.  
“Well I got those two out of it,” she gestured over to her children, “I know it’s cliche and that all moms think it, but really those kids are the best thing I’ve done and the best thing that could have happened to me. I’m sure you know what that’s like though.”  
Lexa nodded, though she wasn’t sure how genuine it was. They fell in to a brief moment of silence, and that was when Lexa was able to overhear the children’s conversation.  
“So why do you call your mom by her first name?” Fia asked innocently, “Why don’t you call her mom?”  
“My mom is dead,” Willow responded curtly, suddenly less interested in the board game they were playing. Lexa made a move to stand up, but Clarke placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her, she could tell that the last thing Willow needed was for Lexa to interrupt her.  
“I thought Lexa was your mom,” Jacob asked, thoroughly confused by the matter.  
“Only legally,” Willow explained. “My mom and Lexa were married for a few years before I was born so Lexa is listed as the second parents on my birth certificate, but she’s not really my mom.”  
Lexa’s heart sunk, but she kept still, finding comfort in the hand that Clarke had moved from her shoulder to grip her’s, their fingers intertwined.  
“That still makes her your mom though, doesn’t it?” Clarke’s daughter asked.  
Willow shrugged as she responded, “Legally, yes.”  
“Have you always called her Lexa?” Jacob chimed in with a question, to which Willow nodded in affirmation.  
She didn’t know it was possible, but Lexa’s heart sunk even further, because the first time her daughter had called her anything other than Mom or Mommy was the day after Costia died and Lexa yelled at her for crying. It had been a knee jerk reprimand on Lexa’s part, one she’d immediately regretted, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back and cut the last string of love Willow had felt for Lexa.  
Clarke squeezed on Lexa’s hand to let her know she was there for her, all the while rubbing her thumb over the girl’s hand.  
“She’s still hurting is all,” Clarke spoke softly so that the kids couldn’t here her. “She knows you’re her mom.”  
“I know,” Lexa replied with a sigh, finishing off her glass of wine in one gulp.

 

* * *

 

“Can I please go outside?” Willow pleaded, standing in the doorway of the study where Lexa sat hunched over her laptop. The woman was so focused on the article she was editing that she didn’t even register her daughter’s voice. Willow sighed loudly before speaking in a loud voice, “Lexa! Can I go outside!”  
Startled, Lexa looked up from her work, lifting her glasses off her eyes, “Willow, inside voice, please.”  
“Well you weren’t paying attention to me,” Willow crossed her arms across her chest, “So can I go outside?”  “I don’t have time to watch you right now,” Lexa huffed, “I have a deadline tonight that I really need to make. You can go outside, but stay out of the water.”  
“But Clarke is out there watching Ophelia and Jacob in the water!”  
“That’s Ms. Griffin young lady,” Lexa chastised her daughter.  
“She said I can call her Clarke,” the young girl sassed back, “So can I go?”  
Needing her daughter leave her alone, Lexa gestured for the girl to leave, “Fine, whatever, but don’t be a bother to Clarke. She already has two kids, she doesn’t need another one bothering her.” Willow turned and stomped out of the room, annoyed at being called a bother, whilst Lexa turned back to her work, oblivious to her daughter’s feelings.  
Through the window in the office, Lexa could see her daughter playing in the water with the neighbors, laughing and splashing around as if she had been friends with them for years rather than days. She worked for another twenty minutes before the house started to feel stuffy. She gathered her laptop and papers and headed out on to the porch where she sat with her laptop on her lap, working on the article.  
Despite the impending deadline, Lexa found it difficult to focus on the task at hand. Her eyes kept wandering over to the children playing in the water and the blonde who watched over them. After a while, Clarke gestured to Lexa to see if she could watch the kids for a minute while she went inside. Lexa nodded and barely a minute later, Clarke returned bearing ice pops. The kids squealed and sprinted out the water, splashing in their wake. The blonde laughed as she handed them each an ice pop. Lexa couldn’t help but admire the fact that she seemed perfectly content to simply spend the day watching kids play in the water.  
After Clarke had reappeared with the ice pops, Lexa had turned back to her screen, so she was surprised when a shadow appeared in front of her. She looked up from her work to see the blonde in front of her holding two unopened popsicles.  
“You look like you could use a work break,” the woman smiled and Lexa couldn’t help but notice the dimples that appeared on her cheeks.  
Normally, Lexa hated to take breaks. She much preferred to simple plow through things. It was why when she was at work, she always ate lunch at her desk, if she had time to eat it at all. Despite her normal tendencies, however, the girl in front of her with the popsicles somehow changed her mind. She shut her laptop screen and gestured for Clarke to take the empty seat beside her.  
“I haven’t had a popsicle in forever,” Lexa finally spoke as she unopened the one Clarke had handed her.  
“You’re kidding, right?” Clarke’s jaw practically dropped as she unwrapped her own popsicle. “There was a period of time that I got the skinny cow popsicles to make me feel better about my diet, but I gave up on those a while back. Sometimes I’ll grab one out of the freezer and sit on the back porch once the kids are in bed and eat it. That is, when I’m out of wine anyway.”  
Lexa smiled and took her first lick of the ice pop. She watched as Clarke folded her legs beneath her. She looked so comfortable and at ease in her shorts and tank. “I’m not that big of dessert,” she shrugged.  
“I’m thirty-five years old and I still don’t understand why dessert can’t come before dinner,” the blonde laughed. Lexa felt something twist inside her stomach at the sound of her laughter, but she couldn’t place what it was.  
“If it makes you feel any better, Willow and I had ice cream for dinner the other night,” Lexa laughed back. The laughter sounded weird in her own ears. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed so genuinely.  
The continued to eat the refreshing popsicles, looking over to the kids every few minutes to make sure they were staying out of the water. Lexa watched the blonde’s lips as they turned red from the sugary treat and the woman spoke, “So what is it you’re working on anyway?” she gestured to the laptop.  
“It’s an expose on a new piece of legislature being passed,” Lexa explained, “It’s not particularly exciting.”  
“I’m not exactly the most politically educated,” Clarke smiled. From the back porch, they could see the kids all standing up and running towards something, and could hear the crunch of gravel of Clarke’s driveway. Lexa furrowed her brow in confusion, but Clarke’s face lit up, “My best friend from high school and her family are coming for the weekend, that must be them!”  
Both Lexa and Clarke stood up and walked down the steps of the porch. They rounded the corner of the house in time to hear a car door slam shut and a young girl’s voice exclaim happily, “Aunt O!”  
Clarke’s head turned on a quick pivot to look at Lexa, but all Lexa could focus on was the sight of her daughter sprinting to the woman who’s just exited the door. She watched as Octavia looked at Willow in confusion, but opened her arms nevertheless and Willow launched herself in to those arms.  
“You know Octavia?” Clarke asked.  
“She’s my sister-in-law,” Lexa spoke back, shocked by the sudden revelation and acutely aware of the twinge of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.  
The two walked quickly towards the new arrivals as Lincoln exited the driver’s seat and came around to the side of the car where everyone stood.  
“Well this is certainly unexpected,” he spoke, looking between Lexa, Willow and Clarke as he ruffled each of the kids’ heads.  
“So you’re Lincoln’s sister?” Clarke asked, still trying to process what was going on. “Wait, the older sister or…”  
“The twin,” both Lexa and Lincoln responded simultaneously.  
“Oh,” Clarke’s face dropped as she recalled what she’d heard about Lincoln’s twin from him.  
“Lincoln,” Octavia nodded her head to the back door of the minivan, “I can hear the kids yelling from here.” Lexa could tell that it had been a long car ride. Octavia was a bit of a hard ass, but she hardly ever rose her voice with her family.  
Lexa remembered the first time she met Octavia, just over a year earlier. She met her the day after Costia had died. As soon as Anya had called Lincoln with the news, Octavia had forced her kids and husband into the car, driving them directly to TonDC, rebuffing all of Lincoln’s protests. Lexa had been shocked to return from a trip to the funeral home to her apartment to find the unfamiliar brunette standing in her living room. The woman had one baby on her hip, another at her ankles and was almost six months pregnant with a third and was directing Anya, Lexa’s parents and Lincoln on what needed to be done around the apartment. She had taken it upon herself to end the over two-year feud between Lexa and her husband.  
At the time, Lexa was too much in shock to oppose Octavia’s intervention and quickly grew to admire the woman. This was the same woman who had caused Lexa and her twin brother Lincoln to have a falling out. Lincoln and Octavia had barely been dating three months before she found herself pregnant. Lexa had argued about the situation with Lincoln, claiming he was throwing his life away on a personal trainer when he could do much better, and that he was making it even worse by moving to a small town nearly eight hours from his home. Both Lincoln and Lexa were hardheaded, and as soon as Lincoln left TonDC, neither reached out to the other. Octavia had sent Lexa and Costia a wedding invitation, but Lexa declined.  
Octavia may have been the catalyst for the deterioration of their relationship, but she also brought them back together and saved Lexa from having to deal with Costia’s funeral by herself. Octavia’s mother had died when she was young and she had experience with the matter.  
“Oh my gosh, when did you guys get so big?” Clarke exclaimed with a gasp as she helped Lincoln remove his kids from the car. Willow, Ophelia and Jacob all crowded around to get a look at the younger children.  
After unbuckling the kids from their carseats, Clarke set the oldest on the ground, passed the middle child to Octavia and reached out to the baby Lincoln was holding, “Gimme gimme,” she cooed. “Aunt Clarke needs her baby time.”  
“You can keep him,” Octavia laughed, adjusting the young girl on her hip, “He screamed his head off the entire car ride here.” Lexa looked between the children, trying to remember each of their names. “Aiden, say hi to Aunt Lexa,” Octavia looked down to her three-year-old who had already given hugs to Clarke, Jacob, Ophelia and even Willow.  
The dark-haired boy shuffled closer to his cousin, looking up at Lexa as if he had no idea who she was. Lexa supposed she didn’t blame him. The boy might have stayed in TonDC for three months after Costia’s death, but Lexa couldn’t remember saying more than a few words to him during that time. She smiled tentatively at him, then at the girl Octavia held. Riley. The name came to her quickly.  
Lastly, she looked to the baby Clarke was cooing over and she realized that she had no idea what the baby’s name was, or even its gender. She figured Willow had opened the birth announcement. The baby was dressed in blue, so Lexa took a guess, “It’s a boy?” she asked.  
“George,” Octavia nodded.  
Octavia and her family had spent the summer with Lexa, helping out with Willow and caring for her along with their own children while Lexa grew more and more distant. They stayed until Willow’s first day of school. It was then that Lexa decided that she’d had enough. She’d kicked them out and made sure they were gone before Willow was home from school. Willow refused to speak to Lexa for a week after that and the night they left Lexa heard Willow crying in her room, but before Lexa could go talk to her, she realized that her daughter was on the phone with Octavia.  
“Well we’ve got some unpacking to do,” Lincoln interrupted the awkward silence, “So let’s take this thrilling conversation inside.” They all nodded and headed in to Clarke’s house. Lexa paused briefly before following them inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, let me know what you think! 
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> memorial day and a rainy day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chap wasn't going to be out until tomorrow, but I got out of work early and banged it out :)  
> we've got some clexa development in here

Clarke’s house was a madhouse through all of Memorial Day weekend. Though the house had three bedrooms, squeezing in an extra family was not easy. Fia and moved out of her room to stay with Clarke while Octavia, Lincoln and their younger two took Fia’s room and Aiden shared a room with Jacob. Lexa had awkwardly offered the spare room in her house, but after Bellamy called to say that his wife, Echo, had caught the flu and that they couldn’t make it to Polis, it was decided that Lincoln and his family would just stay with Clarke. It was an awkward situation all around, but they were trying to make it work.  
While Octavia was Clarke’s best friend, Clarke was also starting to grow particularly attached to her neighbor, and as a result she wanted to make the situation as comfortable as possible, but to do that she realized she needed to get Lincoln and Lexa to make up. She’d managed to get them to interact with each other briefly, but had no real luck until Memorial Day, the day before Lincoln was set to leave with his family.  
The sun was shining, the barbecue was roaring and kids were running around with water guns while the adults talked in clumps when not wiping ketchup off the faces of their children. Many of Fia and Jacob’s friends and their families had decided to stop by as well as some of Clarke’s friends. Clarke spent the entire day wandering around, making sure everyone was having a good time, but paused when she saw Lincoln playing catch with a baseball with Jacob. She decided to stand off to the side and watch for a bit.  
“I tried to get Fia to play with me, but she’s really bad, almost as bad as mom,” the young boy explained to Lincoln. Because both of his parents were only children, Lincoln and Bellamy were the only two men Jacob regarded as Uncles.  
“Well I can tell you’ve got a good arm,” Lincoln spoke as he threw the ball back to Jacob.  
“Yeah, I can’t wait to show Dad. He didn’t get to come to any of my little league games last year, but I know he’s going to come this year. Especially because I’m going to be in second grade and that means I can play in the fall too and not just the spring.” Clarke smiled as she watched her son get excited. She appreciated his optimism, but she doubted that Finn would make the effort to come to any of his games unless they fell on one his weekends.  
“Have you been to a Mets game yet?” Lincoln asked, knowing that Jacob was the biggest Mets fan he’d ever met.  
Jacob shook his head after pitching the ball back to Lincoln, “Not yet. But I’m going with Dad in June. I got tickets for my birthday. I’m so excited. Maybe he’ll want to play with me before we go to the game.” Clarke had bought the tickets for Jacob, but knowing how much Jacob wanted to bond with Finn over baseball, she’d said they were for the boy and his father.  
Clarke was fairly surprised by Lincoln’s next statement, and had to smile at it. “You know, Lexa played softball in college and she was pretty good. I bet if you asked her she would throw the ball around with you and maybe helping you with your hitting.”  
“Really?” Jacob exclaimed, his face lighting up at the prospect of having someone other than himself to play with.  
“Yeah, I don’t know the last time she played, but I’m sure she’ll play with you,” Lincoln nodded. It was the first time Clarke had heard Lincoln say anything about his twin sister that made Clarke remember that they were, in fact, related. The blonde decided to leave the boys alone as she continued to wander around the party, the smile never leaving her face.  
Several hours later, all Clarke’s guests had returned home with their tired children. Jacob had fallen asleep under a picnic table, so Clarke picked him up and brought him to bed, realizing that he was getting too big to carry anymore. After putting Jacob to bed, she found Lexa with an amused look on her face and their daughters flanking her sides.  
“Can we please have a sleepover?” the two ten-year-olds pleaded in unison. Clarke laughed and Lexa shrugged.  
“I don’t see why not,” Clarke shrugged as well. “You’ll have to stay in the playroom though because Aunt Octavia and Uncle Lincoln are still in your room.”  
“They can stay with me,” Lexa offered. Clarke raised her eyebrows at the brunette. She had yet to get the impression that her neighbor was big on entertaining children, so her offer came as a surprise. The girls cheered and ran to grab Fia’s pajamas so they could head over to Lexa’s.  
After making sure the girls were in bed, Lexa and Clarke joined Lincoln and Octavia on Clarke’s back porch. They made the unanimous decision that they would have to finish off the remaining sangria that had been made for the party.  
Several glasses later, any awkward tension had mostly lifted, the final bit leaving after Octavia asked Lexa, “So Lexa, you have to tell me. Why is it that Lincoln has an irrational fear of stuffed animals? Because I need to know why it is that I can’t send my husband in to give one of my kids their stuffed animal in the middle of the night.”  
Lexa laughed so loudly at Octavia’s question that she snorted, causing everyone else to laugh along with her.  
“Don’t you dare,” Lincoln warned, giving Lexa a stern look.  
Lexa waved her brother off, delving in to the story. “So we were six the first time our parents decided that our sister Anya was old enough to babysit us while they went out for dinner. She was thirteen and definitely not the best babysitter in the world. Anyway, after we had pizza bagels for dinner, I realized that were only two ice cream cones left in the freezer. So I told Anya this and she tricked Lincoln in to thinking there were three, telling him that she hid the last one in the toy closet.”  
“Oh no,” Octavia laughed, starting to guess where the story was going.  
“Oh yes,” Lexa nodded. “So anyway, as soon as he stepped in to the closet, Anya and I closed the door on him, locked it and turned off the lights. He then watched TV until our parents got home, forgetting that he was still locked in there. And when our parents got home, we just assumed Lincoln had gone to bed. It wasn’t until morning when we were getting ready for school that we realized he was still in the closet. He said that the beady eyes on the stuffed animals seemed like they glowed in the dark while he was in there, keeping him up all night.” Clarke found herself unabashedly staring at her neighbor, admiring the way her cheeks had turned pink from alcohol and the way in which she told the story.  
“It was a traumatizing experience,” Lincoln deadpanned as the women around him all laughed.  
“I can’t believe you’re afraid of stuffed animals because you were locked in a closet,” Octavia was practically dying of laughter and was starting to have trouble catching her breath.  
“Well I’m not the only one that was caught in a closet,” a smirk appeared on Lincoln’s face as he looked pointedly at his sister.  
Clarke caught on to Lincoln’s line of sight and suddenly became incredibly interested in what he had to say. “Oh please, continue,” she gestured to him, urging him on while keeping her eyes on Lexa’s face that was growing redder by the second.  
“Well I guess you could say that when Lexa was in the closet, she forgot to shut the door. On many occasions,” he teased.  
“I don’t think anyone wants to hear about that Linc,” Lexa smacked her forehead and shook her head.  
“Really? Because I’m sure Clarke and Octavia would be very interested to hear about the time when you thought you were home alone with your girlfriend at the time, who was it? Luna! You thought you were home alone, and the two of you were dancing naked in the kitchen making pancakes, when Mom walked down the stairs.”  
“To be fair, Luna hid fast enough so that Mom never saw her,” Lexa spoke back. “She never knew a thing.”  
At that, Lincoln let out his own snort of laughter. “Lex, we all knew you were gay before you did. Hell, Mom and Dad even knew the night you first kissed a girl back in eighth grade. Gossip like that travels fast.”  
Lexa’s jaw dropped, shocked. She kept her mouth open until Clarke leaned over and shut it for her.  
Watching the entire interaction, Octavia decided it was time to bring Clarke in to the conversation. “I’m pretty sure Clarke can beat that coming out story,” she smirked.  
Clarke fell back in to her seat, feeling her embarrassed before the story had even been told.  
“Clarke’s mom walked in on Clarke and Raven doing the dirty. Clarke’s head was literally between Raven’s leg when…”  
Clarke quickly cut Octavia off before she could go in to more detail, “I think that’s quite enough Octavia.”  
Lexa found herself staring at Clarke with the new revelation. “Raven?” she asked, “Wait you’re…” she trailed off.  
“Back in high school, Clarke went after anyone with legs,” Octavia laughed, causing Clarke to smack her shoulder. “Raven was actually the one who calmed her down. Myself, Clarke and Raven were best friends basically since elementary school, the three of us were wild. They made out on a dare once and it resulted in them dating for just over a year before college.”  
“Oh,” Lexa nodded, still processing the new information.  
The fact that Clarke wasn’t straight did complicate things for her. Now her minor crush wasn’t just a hopeless crush on a straight girl. Her drunken thoughts came to an abrupt halt as she registered the fact that she had a crush on Clarke. Lexa was too drunk to dwell on the revelation and what it meant and how she could possibly be thinking about anyone that way when her wife was dead.

 

* * *

 

Lincoln and Octavia got lucky with the weather they had for there stay at the lake, because the day after they left it rained for a week straight. While Lexa was able to get some articles written and Clarke had gotten some work done for the online classes she was taking, the kids were going stir crazy after the first day. If it hadn’t been for the thunderstorms that had a tendency to pop up without notice, they would have been able to at least play in the rain, but the storms prevented that.  
By the fourth straight day of storms, Lexa couldn’t handle her daughter’s complaints anymore. She shut her laptop and pulled on her rain boots. She threw on her rain coat and grabbed Willow’s along with the keys before storming in to her daughter’s room. She found her daughter sitting on her bed pouting and threw the yellow rain jacket at her.  
“Get shoes on, we’re going out,” Lexa spoke authoritatively.  
“Where are we going?” Willow asked, confused. She couldn’t remember the last time Lexa hadn’t explicitly planned their every outing and given her ample notice of ever event. Lexa wasn’t exactly the most spontaneous mother around.  
“You’ll see,” the woman responded, “I’ll meet you in the car.”  
Leaving behind her daughter, Lexa braved the storm and headed outside. She quickly turned on the car to get the heat going before walking the short distance to Clarke’s house. She rang the doorbell and was greeted by her daughter’s new best friend.  
“Hi Lexa,” Fia spoke.  
“Fia! I told you to clean your room!” Clarke yelled in the background.  
“Quick!” Lexa smiled conspiratorially, “Grab shoes and a rain jacket and go hop in my car. Where’s your brother?” Inspecting the source of the voice at the door, Jacob appeared just as he was referenced. “You too,” she nodded, “The car is unlocked. Quick.”  
Both Jacob and Fia were equally confused, but neither was willing to pass up an opportunity to get out of cleaning there rooms. Without any questions, they quickly got changed and ran out to the car.  
“Jacob! Fia! Where did you two run off to?” Clarke yelled as she walked in to the hallway, hands on her hips making it exceptionally obvious through her t-shirt that she wasn’t wearing a bra.  
Lexa took her gaze away from Clarke’s chest just as Clarke registered the fact that she had a visitor and that she wasn’t wearing a bra. A blush grew on both their cheeks. “The kids are all already in my car. Get changed quick, or wear that if you want.”  
“Where are we going?” Clarke asked, keenly aware of the fact that Lexa had most definitely been checking her out. It felt nice.  
“We’re going to see a movie,” Lexa spoke confidently, “I’m sick of staying in the house and it was the only thing I could think of doing.”  
“Great idea,” the blonde grinned back. “Let me just quickly throw a bra on and I’ll meet you in the car.” Lexa contemplated making a quip about her not having to put on a bra, but decided against it, heading out to the car instead.  
When they arrived at the movie theatre, they all debated over which movie they should see. In the end, it was decided that the kids would go see an animated movie with dragons that neither Clarke nor Lexa had any interest in seeing. The moms picked some mystery movie that was playing at the same time and sounded fairly interesting. Their movie started a bit earlier, but that meant it also got out earlier, which was more preferable as neither woman wanted the kids to be hanging out alone once their movie let out.  
Clarke and Lexa found seats in the empty theater just as the trailers finished. The movie had been in theaters for weeks already so they were literally the only ones in the theater and sat directly in the middle of the room. They placed their sodas in their cup holders and their shared popcorn between them before propping their feet up on the seats in front of them.  
“Before this starts I should warn you about what you’ve gotten yourself into by watching a movie with me,” Clarke deadpanned.  
“Oh?” Lexa arched an eyebrow, turning her head to face the blonde.  
Clarke mirrored Lexa’s head turn and explained, “I have a tendency to talk a lot during movies. I like to make remarks about the sets, music and I tend to make a lot of predictions.”  
At that Lexa abruptly stood up, “Well that’s a deal breaker, I’m outta here.” She went to turn away, but Clarke grabbed her arm and pulled her back on to her seat, nearly knocking over the popcorn. As she plopped back down, Lexa steadied the popcorn. She smiled over at the girl and added her own confession, “I should have you know that I’m pretty big on making predictions myself. And not only that, I’m a big costume person so you’re going to hear a lot about them.”  
“Oh thank god,” Clarke sighed, digging in to the popcorn. She spoke with her mouth half full of popcorn, “Finn and I never went and saw movies when we were together because he got so annoyed with me.”  
“Well Finn is an ass,” Lexa spoke simply. She tried not to think about the fact that Clarke’s words made it seem like they were together. Which obviously was not the case.  
The movie opened and the women fell quiet, taking in the first few scenes. It wasn’t long before they started having full discussions about who they thought the murder was, the set design and costume choices. The two argued over who they believed the murderer to be, all while munching down on popcorn, their hands touching on several occasions as they reached into the shared bag. Clarke insisted it was the wife, while Lexa believed it to be the brother. When it was revealed to be the wife, Clarke dropped her hand on Lexa’s in excitement, turning to grin at her.  
Both women turned back to the screen, but Clarke kept her hand on top of Lexa’s. Lexa began to lose concentration on the film with the feeling of Clarke’s soft hand on top of her’s. She tried not to think about the implications of her action as she turned her hand over beneath Clarke’s so that she could hold her hand. Lexa held her breath for the moment it took for Clarke to register what had happened. It was a short moment though, as Clarke quickly interlaced their fingers together and gave Lexa’s hand a squeeze. They continued their discussion, though their remarks were less frequent. Both women simply liked the feeling of the other’s hand in theirs.  
The movie was over far too quickly and the two stood up to leave the theater. They through out their garbage and headed towards the door, but before they reached it, Clarke grabbed back on to the brunette’s hand.  
She looked up at her as she asked, “This okay?”  
Lexa nodded in response, adding a smile as they walked out of the theater to wait for the kids’ movie to conclude. They stood outside the other theater, their fingers intertwined, talking about the movie and how they both agreed that while the wife was a good killer, the brother would have been a better plot twist.  
Before they knew it, the doors to the other theater opened and they simultaneously dropped each other’s hand. Neither woman knew what was meant by the fact that they’d been holding hands for over an hour, nor had either thought through their feelings, and it didn’t make sense to let their children see anything before they knew what was going on.  
They went out for pizza after the movie. Fia and Willow talked almost constantly the whole time at dinner, explaining the movie to their moms, while Jacob was content to simply eat his pizza and listen. Lexa, on the other hand, was more focused on the fact that Clarke took the pepperoni off her pizza and ate it, before eating the slice itself, a slice she’d poured garlic salt on. She added it to the growing list she was mentally keeping of little things that made Clarke who she was, little things that varied from the way she ate her pizza to the way she watched her movies and the way a pink tinge appeared on her cheeks when she looked up to find green eyes admiring her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always love to hear your thoughts! Should be another chap tomorrow!
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is an asshole, but that kinda ends up working out in Clexa's favor

Clarke sat at the kitchen table with her laptop, trying to complete an assignment for her online class while Lexa sat with Jacob on the couch in the living room, watching the Mets game on the television. She lost focus on her assignment as she heard her son yammering on about how he was going to be at the game in only two days and that he wanted Lexa to look for him on the TV when he was there. After Lexa promised that she would, Clarke realized that she should probably find out from Finn what time he would be picking Ophelia and Jacob up the next day, and what he had planned to do with Fia while he was at the game with Jacob. She picked up her phone and dialed his number, he answered after the second ring.  
“Hello?” he answered. Clarke could hear that he was in a relatively crowded place, or at least that there were many people talking around him.  
“Hi, it’s Clarke,” she responded unnecessarily, his phone obviously told him who was calling.  
“What’s up?” he asked.  
“What time are you coming to pick the kids up tomorrow?” she got straight to the point. After five years of being divorced, she’d come to realize that the only thing she had in common with Finn anymore was their children, and the only time they spoke was to organize his visits, or to try and convince him to come to one of Jacob’s baseball games or Fia’s lacrosse games. She didn’t even bother to call him with updates on their schoolwork anymore.  
“Oh shit,” he muttered back.  
Clarke sighed, knowing what was coming next. It wasn’t the first time Finn had forgotten about his weekends. Usually though she gave him enough time so everything still went as scheduled. She made sure that their children never knew that their dad hardly ever gave them a second thought. “You forgot, didn’t you?”  
“Shit, yeah.”  
“Well the Mets game is Saturday, so you need to make sure that if you can’t come get them tomorrow, that you’re here by Saturday morning,” Clarke explained.  
“I can’t Clarke,” Finn sighed, “Harper had the baby this morning.”  
“Harper who?” Clarke exclaimed, “What baby?”  
“Crap,” Finn muttered in to the phone. “I just assumed the kids told you.”  
“Told me what?” Clarke’s voice had risen slightly in anger, and through the open floor plan, she could see Lexa moving Jacob out of the living room and in to the playroom where Fia and Willow were.  
“Harper is my girlfriend,” he explained, his voice tentative and unsure, “Our son was born this morning.”  
Completely irate, Clarke didn’t even dignify her ex-husband with a response, instead she hung up the phone on him and grunted in annoyance. She was seething when Lexa returned from the playroom and approached her slowly.  
“What did the asshole do this time?” Lexa asked.  
Clarke couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that Lexa didn’t ask if she was okay, because obviously she wasn’t. “Not only is Finn bailing on the kids this weekend, but it turns out he knocked some girl up and had a kid this morning.”  
Lexa pulled out the chair beside Clarke and promptly sat in it, scooting it closer to the other woman. “What. An. Asshole.” she repeated the sentiment. She then reached over and hesitantly wrapped her arms around Clarke.  
Clarke wondered how long it had been since Lexa had hugged someone. She’d come to realize that the brunette wasn’t the most touchy-feely person she’d ever met. Come to think of it, she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her even touch her daughter, let alone hug her. Regardless, Clarke sighed in to the hug and wrapped her arms around the brunette in return. “What am I supposed to tell the kids?” she asked after they both pulled away.  
“Do they know about the baby?” Lexa asked.  
Clarke nodded, “I think so. The way Finn was talking made it seem like they even knew his girlfriend. I just can’t believe they didn’t tell me.”  
“They probably didn’t want to make you feel bad,” the brunette offered.  
“Jacob’s going to be so upset,” the blonde shook her head, “He was so much looking forward to that game. I don’t think he’s gone more than two days without talking about it since I got the tickets for him for his birthday.”  
“He’ll understand,” Lexa reached over and rubbed her hand on Clarke’s back reassuringly. “He’s one of those good kids who actually pays attention to things. He’ll realize you’re just upset about it as he is.”  
As Lexa spoke, an idea came to Clarke’s head. Lexa’s reveal of how much she had actually been paying attention to Jacob sparked the idea in the blonde’s head. “Would you want to take him to the game?” she asked.  
“Me?” Lexa asked in confusion. She certainly had not been expecting the offer.  
“Yeah,” Clarke sat up straighter in her seat as the idea became more pronounced in her brain. It made perfect sense to her. “Yes you. There’s no way I’m not going to use those tickets, and there’s no way I’m having Jacob miss out on the one thing he’s been excited about for months. And it makes no sense for me to go with him, I don’t know anything about baseball other than the fact that someone hits the ball, then runs around in a circle.”  
“A diamond,” Lexa corrected the woman.  
“Exactly! I know nothing!” the blonde further proved her point. “You, on the other hand, played softball in college and actually enjoy the games. Jacob would have so much more fun going with someone who’s enjoying the game and not just the hot dogs.”  
“Are you sure?” Lexa asked cautiously. “I wouldn’t want to feel like I was imposing on your family.”  
Clarke quickly waved the brunette off, “No, the exact opposite, you’d be doing me a huge favor! And besides, you could never be an imposition on this family.” She smiled and took Lexa’s hand in her’s, asking first for permission with her gaze. Lexa squeezed her hand back and nodded.

 

* * *

 

“So what do you girls think about playing a board game while we keep the game on in the background,” Clarke suggested after she finished cleaning up from the pasta and meatballs she’d made for herself, Fia and Willow.  
“Do we have to watch the game?” Fia whined, “Baseball is so boring.”  
“Just for a little,” Clarke sighed, “I think it’s boring too, but we have to tell Lexa and Jacob that we at least tried to see if they showed up on the screen. Which is why we’ll play a board game and only have it on in the background.”  
“Fine,” Fia pouted. “What game are we going to play?”  
“Oh!” Willow quickly jumped up off the couch, “I know! I’ll be right back!” With that she ran barefoot out the side door without another word. The two blondes looked at each other and shrugged in confusion.  
Barely a minute later, Willow returned carrying Monopoly. “I found this in my room the other day,” Willow exclaimed as she sat down. She opened up the box and started unfolding the board.  
Fia started to separate the money by color while Clarke reached in to the box and pulled out the player pieces, pieces that had obviously not come with the game. “Oh my god,” she exclaimed as she brought them closer to her to get a better look at them.  
“What?” both Fia and Willow exclaimed simultaneously, arching their necks to get a better view of the pieces the woman was holding.  
“I remember when Mr. Crewe made these,” she gasped, looking at each piece individually for several moments.  
“My granddad?” Willow asked incredulously.  
Never having seen Costia with neither Lexa nor Willow, Clarke had a tendency to forget that the girl she’d grown up spending summers with was the wife and mother of her new neighbors. “He was quite the wood worker,” Clarke nodded.  
“You knew Willow’s granddad?” Fia asked, scooting closer, wanting to hear more.  
“Willow’s mom and I were friends when we were your age,” she nodded. Even without the context of the conversation they all knew that she was talking about Costia. None of them ever referred to Lexa as Willow’s mom, not after Willow had complained about it on several occasions.  
“You knew my mom?” Willow was still astonished by the news, she never had a chance to talk about her mom anymore.  
“Oh yeah,” Clarke nodded. “She spent her summers at the lake, and I still lived in town at the time with my parents, but we met after her parents brought their car in to get fixed at Raven’s dad’s shop and she came with. She didn’t know anyone her age, so Raven and I brought her in to the fold. That was when we were still in elementary school, so before we met Octavia.”  
“What was she like?” Willow asked. Lexa hadn’t met Costia until college, and with her grandparents now dead, Willow didn’t know anyone that had known Costia as a child and she was curious.  
“She never stood still,” Clarke said the first thing that came to her mind. “She was always running somewhere. Even when it was raining out she wanted to go outside and just run around. And she never stopped talking. Like, ever. She even talked in her sleep, something I found out at our first sleepover. Her dad made the monopoly pieces for us in an attempt to keep her still and find something for us to do on rainy days besides getting muddy and gross.”  
“I didn’t know that about her,” Willow whispered, taking the pieces Clarke has offered her. She looked them over in her hand. There were four small wood-carved figurines, four girls, each doing something athletic. There was a dancer, a runner, a tennis player and a skier.  
“Those were the four sports she did,” Clarke explained, though she gathered that the girl knew of that already.  
She was proved wrong, however, she Willow admitted, “I didn’t know she skied. Lexa doesn’t know how to ski.”  
“Maybe Lexa would want to learn with you,” Fia offered.  
“I doubt it,” Willow shook her head, “That’s not really her thing.”  
Just as Clarke was about to reassure Willow, out of the corner of her eye she saw the television screen. She quickly turned around and pointed to it, “Look!” she exclaimed, “It’s Lexa and Jacob!”  
Willow and Fia turned to look and sure enough, Lexa and Jacob were on the big screen. The two had matching Mets caps on and were cheering loudly for the team. Clarke managed to quickly pull out her phone and snap a picture of the screen. She stared at it for a moment, thinking about how happy the two looked. With Jacob’s dark hair, he actually looked more like Lexa than he did Clarke, they looked like mother and son there. Clarke was amazed by how quickly Lexa and Willow were starting to feel like family to her. They’d only known each other about a month, but already she cared deeply for the other woman and her daughter.  
Clarke knew that the feelings she was developing for Lexa were different than the ones she felt for Willow. With Willow, her feelings were maternal, but she knew she felt something different for Lexa, something a lot less platonic.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe they won!” Jacob exclaimed as he jumped up and down, on a high from the win and all the ice cream he’d devoured out of a bowl in the shape of a Mets’ hat.  
Lexa had grown up a Yankees fan, but always had an appreciation for the Mets. TonDC didn’t have their own professional baseball team, so most people tended to latch on to the New York teams. She knew that the Mets didn’t win quite as often as the Yankees did, so she too was excited about the outcome.  
It wasn’t just the fact that they won though, Lexa had actually had a good time with Jacob. Lexa didn’t have the best track record with children, but she and Jacob actually vibed well together. They had more in common than Lexa believed she did with her own daughter. She and Jacob were both more reserved and had a common interest important to both of them. All Lexa and Willow had in common was how stubborn they were and an obsession with pickles.  
As Lexa and Jacob followed the crowd toward the exit of the stadium, she noticed the way his eyes drifted to the merchandise store. She smiled and tapped his shoulder, gesturing for him to follow him in to the store.  
Once they were in the store and away from the loud crowd she explained, “You can’t leave your first ever game without a a souvenir.”  
“My mom didn’t give me any money though,” he frowned, realizing that he couldn’t actually buy a souvenir.  
Lexa quickly waved him off, “It’s my treat,” she explained, “I got to go to a baseball game using one of your birthday tickets, so it’s the least I can do.”  
In the end he’d end up deciding on a David Wright t-shirt, as Wright was his favorite player. By the time they’d finally purchased the shirt after going through the long line, the stadium was nearly empty. Despite his still lingering excitement, Lexa could tell that Jacob was exhausted and that he would fall asleep probably only minutes into their car ride back to Polis. She was a night owl herself and was completely fine doing the drive back during the night.  
Just as they were exiting the stadium, Lexa felt the boy grab her arm and stop dead in his tracks. “What’s wrong?” she asked, turning to look at him.  
He merely pointed to a man and said, “That’s David Wright.”  
The man, obviously used to similar encounters, saw Jacob right away and walked over to say hi. “I like your shirt,” he smiled, pointing to the Jacob’s newly purchased apparel.  
“You’re my favorite player,” he grinned back excitedly.  
The man laughed as he said, “Thank you, it’s always good to hear that from a fan.”  
“Can I get your autograph?” Jacob asked.  
“Of course!” Wright nodded, “What do you say we throw in a picture as well?” He took out his own sharpie, one he obviously kept on him after games for those kinds of encounters. Jacob promptly turned around and David Wright signed the back of his new t-shirt.  
Lexa pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures of the interaction and when the signing was finished, David quickly asked a field worker to come over and take the picture. “I can take it,” Lexa waved him off.  
David shook his head and spoke to Jacob, “Tell your mom to come get in the picture with us.”  
“Oh, I’m not his mom,” Lexa shook her head.  
“Please Lexa!” Jacob pouted, not caring about the title David had unknowingly bestowed upon the woman who hadn’t even been called ‘Mom’ by her own daughter in over a year. “I want you in the picture with me,” he insisted.  
Lexa finally gave in and handed her phone to the aid who quickly snapped several photos of them. Lexa and Jacob then both thanked the Mets player for his time before he waved goodbye to them. “I think today was the best day of my life,” Jacob sighed, causing Lexa to laugh and ruffle his hair fondly.  
As they walked to the car, Lexa quickly sent all the pictures over to Clarke. Texts she responded to nearly immediately.

 

> **Clarke** : OMG! So cool! Did you get him a t-shirt? Is that his favorite player?  
>  **Lexa** : Yes, to both. The shirt was my treat.  
>  **Clarke** : That was very generous of you. I love those pictures, I’m going to print them all out and get you copies of them.  
>  **Clarke** : Though I think this is my favorite picture of you two cuties

Attached to Clarke’s last message was a picture taken of the television on which Lexa and Jacob could be seen grinning like crazy and cheering. The entire car ride home while Jacob slept, Lexa smiled as she thought about how Clarke had referred to both her and Jacob as “cuties”. Butterflies flew around her stomach every time she thought about it. She could no longer deny the fact that she was not only attracted to Clarke physically, but that she now had a strong emotional attachment to her as well.  
She hoped that Clarke felt the same way, because if she decided to do anything about those feelings, Lexa wasn’t sure she could handle a rejection, not after losing Costia. She was ready to try though, she had to at least try. And she knew exactly how to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter is an important one and I plan on making sure that its just right. Because of that and the fact that tomorrow is the 4th, I probably won't have chapter 5 up until sunday night, monday the latest.
> 
> I'm also working on a series of one-shots. I've gotten a few prompts already, but feel free to send some my way either below or at my tumblr: madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Raven and they go on a girls' night with Clarke

Lexa was several days ahead on her work and made the decision to leave her laptop alone for several days. When she woke up one Tuesday morning, instead of going for a run before Willow woke, she took her car in to town to do some grocery shopping. Their cabinets were nearly empty. As she was leaving the grocery store, driving down the main strip of stores and her eyes were drawn to Reyes’ Mechanics. An idea came to her and she quickly pulled over and parked on the street.  
As she walked in to the mechanic’s, she was greeted by a woman with dark hair pulled back in to a high ponytail, probably close to her age, with a smear of grease already on her face. It was only nine in the morning and the woman was clearly already hard at work.  
“How can I help you?” the woman asked, rubbing her hands on her pants to clear them of grease. Lexa looked down at the name tag on the woman’s overalls, that read ‘Raven Reyes’. She briefly wondered if she was the same Raven that had been best friends with Octavia and Clarke.  
“I was wondering if you had any old tires for sale. I’m looking to set one up for a tire swing,” Lexa explained.  
“Sure do,” she nodded in response, gesturing for her to follow. “How does this look?” she asked.  
The tire looked to be a normal size to Lexa. She’d never seen a tire swing outside of movies. “Looks good to me,” she nodded.  
“Cool, let me just ring you up,” again Raven gestured for Lexa to follow her to the register.  
As Raven rang her up, Lexa decided to ask her if she was, in fact, the Raven she’d heard stories about. “Any chance you’re the same Raven who grew up with Clarke Griffin and Octavia Blake, do you?”  
“Sure am,” Raven smiled at the mention of her friends, suddenly a lot more interested in the uptight looking young woman in front of her. “How do you know them?” she asked.  
“Clarke is my neighbor here,” she explained before adding on, “And Octavia is my sister-in-law.”  
“No shit,” Raven grinned, placing a hand on her hip after Lexa signed her receipt. “Did we meet at Lincoln and Octavia’s wedding? Because I was really drunk and don’t remember it, but you would have been there, right?”  
Avoiding the awkward situation around the wedding, Lexa chose her response carefully, “No, we didn’t.”  
“So if you’re neighbors with Clarke, did you buy the Crewe house?” she asked.  
Though she’d side-stepped one awkward conversation, she’d walked right in to another. “Actually, no,” Lexa spoke tentatively. “They were my in-laws.” She figured that if Raven knew them well enough to know where they lived, that she would have at least heard about their deaths.  
“Shit,” Raven shook her head, “Costia was your wife?” Lexa nodded. “We were pretty good friends for a few summers when we were younger. Her parents were good people as well.”  
“Yeah, they all were,” Lexa agreed. Thankfully, it didn’t appear that Raven was any better than Lexa at confronting emotions and the awkward encounters that resulted from deaths, so she swiftly moved on with the topic of conversation. “Well, I better get going. I want to try and set this swing up before my daughter wakes up.”  
Raven seemed to be somewhat surprised by the mention of the girl, but didn’t say anything about it, but rather waved goodbye as Lexa left the shop.  
Several hours later as Willow, Fia and Jacob all took turns swinging off the new tire swing in to the lake, Clarke sat sipping lemonade beside Lexa as they sat on the grass.  
“I can’t believe you got that set up before any of us even woke up,” Clarke shook her head, playfully slapping the other girl’s leg.  
“Well some of us like to get up before noon,” Lexa laughed back.  
Clarke scoffed, feigning being insulted. She then settled in to a soft smile, “I never would have thought about a tire swing. That was really cool of you.”  
“Sometimes I’m just smart like that,” she laughed as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.  
Clarke reached over and pulled Lexa’s hair back and briefly ran her fingers through it, “You’re hair is so nice, you should wear it down more.”  
Goosebumps rose on the back of Lexa’s neck as Clarke’s fingers skimmed over it. “It tangles really easily.”  
After looking over at the children to make sure they were occupied by the swing and not paying attention to their mothers, Clarke took a strand of Lexa’s curly brown hair and twirled it around her finger, causing a blush to rise on Lexa’s cheeks. “You should wear it down tonight.”  
“Tonight?” Lexa asked in confusion.  
Clarke grinned at Lexa’s confusion. “We’re going out tonight. Raven called me early today after you saw her and said we should go out for a girl’s night, so I called my parents and they’re going to come over here and watch the kids.”  
“I don’t want to intrude on your’s and Raven’s girl’s night together.”  
“Lexa,” Clarke began as she scooted closer to Lexa, their faces only inches apart. “I really want to go out with you tonight.”  
Lexa gulped, moments later interrupted by the sound of arguing, forcing the two apart.

 

* * *

 

Only minutes after Abby and Jake had arrived at Clarke’s, Willow had walked over from her own house, letting herself in the side door. Clarke had just finished straining the pasta and set out a third bowl of pasta for the girl.  
“Clarke! Go get ready, we’ve got this,” Abby insisted, ushering her daughter in to her bedroom.  
“Okay!” Clarke lifted her hands up in defense, “I’m going!” She then proceeded to hurry in to her room and go through her entire closet before finally deciding on a pair of jeans and a flowy shirt that managed work well with her curves as well as a pair of black booties that Octavia had gotten her for Christmas. She’d just finished putting on her make-up, something that took her several minutes to even locate, when she heard Lexa talking to her parents.  
At the sound of Jake’s laughter, Clarke quickly hurried out in to the living room, wanting to save Lexa from an onslaught of Dad jokes. “Lexa, is that you?” she asked as she entered the room. Seeing Lexa, Clarke stopped dead in her tracks. Clarke knew that Lexa was in shape, but she couldn’t help but toggle her in her dark skinny jeans, purple tank, black laced boots and leather jacket. Yes, she was wearing a leather jacket. She could feel that her jaw had actually dropped. Her long brown hair was out of its normal bun, just as Clarke had told Lexa that she’d liked it.  
Clarke didn’t recognize the fact she’d been staring so obviously until her mom came over and whispered in her ear, “Honey, your gay is showing.” Which caused her to immediately close her mouth and straighten up.  
“Is this okay?” Lexa gestured to her outfit. “I wasn’t sure what to wear and I let Willow pick out my outfit. It’s too much, isn’t it?”  
“No,” Clarke vehemently shook her head, “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”  
Sitting at the table, stuffing their faces with pasta, Willow and Jacob chuckled at the interaction while Ophelia stared pointedly at her own food.  
“Should we get going?” Lexa asked, to which Clarke nodded, more than ready to leave the house. “Thank you for watching Willow and the kids,” Lexa spoke directly to Abby and Jake.  
“No worries,” Jake responded, “You girls have fun.”  
Clarke and Lexa both said goodbye to their respective children. Clarke quickly kissed the heads of Jacob and Ophelia as she reflex Willow’s hair. Lexa simply waved before walking out with Lexa to her car.  
“So where to?” Lexa asked after settling in to the driver’s seat.  
“There’s a bar, Finnegan’s, on the main strip in town,” Clarke explained. “Polis may be a small town, but since we get so many tourists in the summer, the bar actually gets pretty crowded, even on a Tuesday.”  
“Sounds good to me,” Lexa grinned back as she pulled out of the driveway, “Are we meeting Raven there?”  
“Yep, apparently there’s this guy, a tourist, who she’s been hooking up with for a week now. She says he’s going to be there as well.” Clarke offered the information hoping that Lexa would realize that while they were spending time with Raven, that Raven wouldn’t remain with them the entire time, and that they could have time by themselves.  
Raven was already waiting for Clarke and Lexa when they arrived at the bar, a pitcher of beer and chilled glasses waiting for them at a circular table. The woman stood up and greeted the other two women with a hug each.  
They spent nearly an hour drinking the beer, Lexa staying conscious of knowing when to stop as she was driving, talking about the kids and Raven’s escapades when Raven caught sight of her current squeeze. “That’s him,” she nodded over her shoulder, “That’s Wick.”  
“Go say hi to him,” Clarke nudged her long-time friend.  
“Okay,” Raven shrugged, not needing anymore influences. She grabbed her her glass and waved to the women before making a bee-line for Wick, who in turn had noticed her and opened his arms wide to greet her.  
“I like Raven,” Lexa conceded after the woman walked away. “I can see why you guys are friends and why you, you know…”  
“That was a long time ago,” Clarke offered a reassurance, “There’s nothing going on between us anymore.”  
“You’re both single, so I mean, I could see if you ended up back together. It would make sense.” Lexa looked down at the glass she’d started to fiddle with.  
Clarke placed a finger under Lexa’s chin, moving her face so that she was looking at her. “Lexa. There’s nothing between me and Raven anymore other than friendship. We’re not getting back together. I promise. She isn’t the person I’m interested in.”  
“So there is someone you’re interested in?” Lexa asked.  
Clarke posed herself to reassure the woman again, before she saw the look in her eyes that made her realize that Lexa had at least an inkling of who it was Clarke was referring to. “Come on,” Clarke stood up. She chugged the rest of her beer for courage then latched on to Lexa’s arm, dragging her over to where a band in their early twenties were playing. “Dance with me.” She begged with her eyes, shamelessly batting them so that Lexa couldn’t say no.  
The dancing area wasn’t particularly crowded, as most people were just standing around in clumps, but that obviously didn’t bother Clarke. They started dancing and Clarke laughed at the way Lexa danced. She was stiff and unsure of herself.  
“Like this,” Clarke offered herself as an example, dancing for her. After Lexa failed at trying to imitate her, Clarke took a deep breath and placed her hands on Lexa’s hips. She felt Lexa stiffen beneath her hands, but before she could remove them, Lexa took a reassuring step towards her. “You’re stiff,” Clarke explained, “You have hips, you need to use them.”  
“Okay,” Lexa nodded, but she didn’t move her hips. Instead, she carefully licked her lips before looking down at Clarke’s.  
“Are you going to try and move your hips?” Clarke asked, her voice a bit gruff and her throat dry after seeing the way Lexa was looking at her.  
“I suck at dancing,” was Lexa’s response.  
“I can teach you.”  
“I know.”  
“Lexa, we’re just standing here. There’s music playing. We should be dancing.”  
“Clarke.”  
“Yes?”  
“Can I kiss you?”  
Clarke let out a soft whimper as gasp got caught in her throat. She couldn’t form the words of affirmation, so instead she quickly let her eyes dart down to Lexa’s lips before she leaned forward and pressed her lips against the other girls’. With her hands still on Lexa’s hips, she pulled the girl closer to her and Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke and rested a hand on the blonde’s face, brushing her thumb against her cheek.  
After several moments, the girls finally pulled apart briefly for a breath of air. The rested their foreheads together and Clarke broke the silence, “Was that okay?” she asked. Realizing that she needed to clarify what she meant, she continued, “I really like you Lexa, but I don’t want to rush anything. And I don’t want to do anything that would risk us not being friends at the very least. I know it’s been over a year, but still, you were married for twelve years and with Costia even longer than that, and I don’t want to pressure you and…”  
Lexa swiftly cut Clarke off by kissing her urgently. Clarke was quick to fall in to the kiss as she wound her fingers through Lexa’s long mane. She was now doubly glad that she had mentioned to Lexa earlier about her like of her long hair. Moments after initiating the second kiss, Lexa swiped her tongue across Clarke’s bottom lip, asking for entrance which Clarke quickly allowed. It wasn’t until they finally broke away, out of breath once again that Lexa spoke, “You aren’t pressuring me at all Clarke. I like you too, but I also want to do this right. I don’t want to lose you before I’ve even had a chance to really have you.”  
Clarke pressed a soft kiss against Lexa’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”  
The two spent the rest of the night dancing, which Clarke finally managed to get Lexa to do, dancing and talking with Raven and Wick before they realized it was time to get home. When they arrived back at Clarke’s house, Abby and Jake had just finished watching a movie which made for perfect timing. The two were tired and quickly said goodnight to the girls before heading home.  
Clarke grabbed a glass of water each for herself and Lexa and the two sat down at the kitchen table to talk for a bit before Lexa headed back to her own home.  
“Today was a good day,” Clarke grinned as she grabbed on to Lexa’s hand above the table.  
“Yes, it definitely was,” Lexa nodded in agreement before taking the hand she held of Clarke’s and pressing her lips against it. The women were so focused on each other that neither noticed the soft sound of a pair of bare feet walking down the stairs.  
“We’re going to have to try out that tire swing that you made for the kids tomorrow,” Clarke suggested.  
The young girl on the stairs decided to wait for a minute and listen to the two women talk. She wasn’t sure if she would be made to come home if she made her presence known, or if she would still be able to continue her sleepover with Fia, but she also liked the reassuring voices of the two women in the kitchen. It felt more normal to her than anything else had in the past year.  
“I never actually wanted kids you know,” Lexa admitted, completely unaware of the fact that her daughter was listening to her. “Costia was the one who always wanted them. I was adamant about it just being us two. I didn’t understand why she would want to ruin our own dynamic of just the two of us, but she wanted kids, she ideally wanted five or six. I thought she was insane. But I also loved her. So finally, I relented and we had Willow. But I never wanted her, I never wanted kids at all.”  
Lexa took a break in her seemingly random admission to take a sip of water. In that moment though, Willow on the steps decided that she’d heard enough, and with tears in her eyes quietly headed back upstairs. Willow completely missed the second half of Lexa’s speech.  
“I never wanted kids, so I was surprised that from the moment I first held Willow I already loved her like crazy. I could never get enough of her. I was always the one taking a million photographs of her while Costia just made fun of me for it, claiming that I documented every second of her life. Of course, as Willow got older and grew to actually be able to talk back to me, it became harder for me to show her that I still loved her. I tried, but I guess I wasn’t good enough at it. Not like Costia was. But I think being here is helping. I’m thinking of maybe taking a step back in my responsibilities for work starting in the fall so that I can be there to bring her to school and pick her up at the end of the day. I want to be able to show her that I love her.”  
As Lexa spoke, Clarke understood why she needed to say what she did. She needed to explain the tire swing in the only way that made sense. She needed to explain that she wanted to connect with her daughter, but just didn’t know how.  
“I think you’re a great mom,” Clarke nodded, giving Lexa a peck on the lips, “And I think Willow is starting to realize that.”  
“Thanks,” the brunette smiled back.  
The sat there for several more minutes until they both started yawning. At that point they knew it was time for bed so Lexa gave Clarke a goodnight kiss before heading back to her own home.  
The next morning, when Clarke went to wake the kids up for breakfast, she found the trundle bed where Willow was supposed to be, empty. She scoured the house for her before calling Lexa. Lexa looked in Willow’s bedroom for the girl, but she wasn’t there either. Finally, they found the note in the sheets of the trundle bed. Willow had run away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes things are just too good to be true? oops? :)
> 
> let me know what you think!
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa start their search for Willow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on I'm going to aim for new chaps AT LEAST every three days, but hopefully every other day and sometimes a few days in a row. Who knows, I'm spontaneous and also working on a few one-shots for my one-shot collection

Willow was five when Lexa and Costia went through a significant rough period. Neither could pinpoint what it was that initiated the rough patch, but everything had snowballed quickly. They’d argued over whether to send Willow to private or public school for Kindergarten, about who’s family they spent more time with, about who left the milk out in the morning and about whose snoring was more annoying. They found themselves picking fights about even the smallest things, but the one thing they never argued about was the fact that they needed to keep Willow in the dark when it came to their problems.

After a particularly bad week of arguments, Costia made the decision to go on the business trip that she’d originally planned on avoiding. Both Lexa and Costia had agreed that the week apart would be beneficial and they wouldn’t have to worry about Willow finding one of the sleeping on the couch and ask questions.  
Luckily, Anya had been available all week to help pick Willow up from school and watch her until Lexa came home from work. That Friday though, Lexa had managed to schedule her meetings so that she was done before noon. So at noon, she showed up to Willow’s elementary school and picked her up early, making up some excuse about a doctor’s appointment.

They spent the afternoon at the pier down by the beach, riding the Merry-Go-Round, eating ice cream and playing carnival games. It was one of the only times Lexa could remember spending an entire afternoon with her daughter doing something that they both enjoyed, never arguing once. It wasn’t even until Willow had gone to bed that night that she had thought about Costia and how it would have been nice to go as a family as well.

It was the memory of the afternoon at the pier that first came to Lexa after Clarke called her to tell her that Willow was missing. She’d yelled all through the house for her, and after hearing that Clarke had found a note, she run out the house without even bothering to put on her shoes. She didn’t even knock on Clarke’s door, she let herself in.

Jacob and Fia were putting on sneakers when Lexa walked in the door. “Clarke?” she yelled in, her voice unsteady.

Clarke had never seen Lexa not put together, so seeing her so frazzled really concerned her. It just further proved the gravity of the situation.

“We’re going to start driving around looking for her,” Clarke ignited the conversation.

Lexa nodded, but there was something else she needed. “Where is the note?” she asked.

Clarke’s heart started racing as she thought about the note. Lexa did not need to see it. “It just said that she left, I think we need to focus on finding her,” she tried to move on from the topic.

“Clarke, where is the note?”

“I don’t remember where I put it, but it’s more important that we get out there and look for Willow.”

“Why are you not showing me the note?” Lexa’s tone grew more menacing as her anger grew.

“I don’t think that you should read it,” Clarke explained, “It’s not very nice.”

Lexa held Clarke’s gaze. If she weren’t so emotionally unstable, she would have logically understood that Clarke was just looking out for her, but she wasn’t thinking straight in that moment. Instead, she held out her hand to the blonde expectantly. Clarke sighed and pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket. She handed it to Lexa and was able to see the brunette’s heart break in the way her shoulders sag as she read the words, ‘Lexa, I never wanted you either. I wish Mama was still alive and you were the one who was dead’.

“She heard us last night,” Lexa’s voice was small and timid, the strength all gone from it.

“She must have only heard the first half of what you were saying, she would still be here if she had heard the whole thing,” Clarke shook her head.

“Are we going or what?” Fia asked, her hands placed on her hips. Clarke wondered if the girl was more upset over her best friend leaving, or what she assumed Lexa had said about Willow.

“We should take two cars, cover more ground,” Lexa looked up abruptly, running a hand through her hair.  
Clarke shook her head, “No, you’re in no state to drive. There’s only one road in to town, so we’ll start that way and go on foot once we make it to town. We’ll stop by the police station once we get there.” Lexa didn’t argue with the girl, but rather stared blankly at her and nodded. “We’ll find her, I promise.” She placed a hand on each of the other girl’s shoulders and rubbed her hands up and down them reassuringly. “It’s going to be okay.” She placed a kiss on Lexa’s forehead before grabbing her hand and pulling her to the door.

“I’m not wearing shoes,” Lexa spoke, her voice sounding detached from her body.

Wordlessly, Clarke found an extra pair of her flip flops and placed them in front of Lexa for her to step in to. Once they were all ready, they piled in to Clarke’s car. After pulling out of the driveway, Clarke took her right hand of the wheel and grasped Lexa’s.  
They drove slowly in to town, all of their eyes kept peeled on the side of the road in search of the girl. When they reached town, they parked the car.

“Why don’t you start at the police station while I swing by to see if Raven saw Willow. Her garage is open so she might have seen her if she walked by,” Clarke suggested as they exited the vehicle. She squeezed Lexa’s hand reassuringly before letting go so they could walk their separate ways. “Fia, why don’t you go with Lexa and I’ll take Jacob with me.”

Ophelia opened her mouth to make some retort, but promptly closed it after her mother gave her a stern look. Instead, she followed after Lexa in to the police station.

Clarke, with Jacob at her side, walked in to the Reyes’ autobody shop and was greeted with a large smile from Raven. “Hey girl! I saw you and Lexa have a lot of fun last night if you know what I…” she trailed off as she took in the fact that not only was Clarke attended by her son, but the fact that her face was distraught. Clarke had been trying to keep her cool for Lexa’s sake, but her mask was quickly breaking. “What’s wrong?” Raven quickly recovered.

“It’s Lexa’s daughter,” Clarke explained, “She ran away either last night or this morning. Lexa is at the police station right now filing a missing person’s report.” She pulled out her phone and quickly scrolled through her pictures, finding a photo she’d taken the morning before of Fia and Willow, squished together on the newly erected tire swing. She showed the photo to Raven. “You haven’t seen her, have you?”

Raven took a moment to look at the young girl in the photo, a girl who Raven quickly realized looked nothing like Lexa. “I haven’t seen her, no.” She shook her head, “But I can close up here and help you look for her.”

“That would be amazing,” Clarke offered the girl a small smile.

Raven nodded and started to close up the garage when Clarke heard her phone buzz. For a moment she thought it would be Lexa, but then realized Lexa had left her phone at home. Instead, there was a text from her mother. She opened it quickly as she waited for Raven, immediately realizing that she had several texts from her mother, spanning from earlier that morning to just that moment. She must not have thought to check her texts after realizing Willow was gone.

> **Mom** : Willow is with me
> 
> **Mom** : I wanted to send that quickly before you and Lexa started worrying. I already texted Lexa. I didn’t want to call, because I told Willow I wouldn’t tell Lexa where she was right away.
> 
> **Mom** : I was coming back from an early morning house call when I saw her walking through town and managed to convince her to come back to my house. She said she was going to live with Octavia and Lincoln. I don’t think she really had the whole thing thought through.
> 
> **Mom** : Neither you nor Lexa are responding. Are you guys awake yet?
> 
> **Mom** : When you see these texts, call me.

 

Clarke quickly scanned the texts and sighed in relief. “She’s okay,” she announced to Raven and Jacob. “My mom found her. I need to go tell Lexa.” Raven nodded and put a hand on Jacob’s shoulder as if to say she’d watch him and Clarke all but ran out of the garage and down the street to the police station.  
She arrived at the station nearly out of breath and immediately saw a frazzled Lexa yelling at a police officer while Fia stood off to the side with her arms crossed on her chest. “Willow’s okay,” she yelled out, having no better way to interrupt the argument she was witnessing. Lexa spun around immediately and the first thing Clarke noticed was how red her eyes were, as if they were straining to hold back tears. “My mom found her and has her at her house.”

Lexa immediately started walking towards her and quickly through her arms around her. Clarke heard a muffled sob in to her shoulder and rubbed circles on the brunette’s back, but when Lexa pulled back, her eyes were still red with unshed tears. Clarke grabbed her hand. “Come on, she said. We’ll go there now.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Raven and Jacob had just arrived so Clarke looked at Fia as she said, “Go over to Raven. She’s going to watch you guys for a little bit.”

Fia unfolded her arms and nodded as Clarke quickly led Lexa out of the police station. “Where do your parents live?” the brunette finally asked in a soft whisper.

“Down the road,” Clarke gestured to the road in front of them, “They bought a condo down here after I left for college.”

It was a five minute walk to the Griffin home and as soon as they arrived, Clarke knocked on the door. She had a key to the house, of course, but in this instance she thought it better to not walk in unannounced. Moments later, the door was opened by Abby.

“She’s in the living room,” she spoke softly, ushering Lexa and Clarke inside.  
Lexa dropped Clarke’s hand the moment she saw her daughter sitting on the living room couch. “Wills!” she exclaimed as she rushed toward the girl and quickly wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight as if she couldn’t believe she was actually there in front of her. In that moment, all that mattered was that her daughter was safe and in her arms. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t hugged her daughter in over a year, let alone even touched her. And it didn’t matter that she hadn’t called Willow ‘Wills’, a nickname that had been Lexa’s special name for Willow that Costia had never used, in nearly two years.

“Lexa?” Willow spoke tentatively while sitting stiff in her mother’s embrace. She’d expected anger and yelling to come from the reunion. Not relief and a hug. Willow was shocked, but her shock only grew when Lexa finally stopped fighting back the tears and let them fall and let the sobs wrack her body.

“I was so scared,” Lexa spoke in between sobs, “I thought something had happened to you. I thought I’d lost you Wills. God, I can’t lose you. I need you.”  
At the shocking words and the show of affection she couldn’t ever remember the mother she was with ever exhibiting before, Willow’s body sagged slightly before she returned the woman’s hug. At the feeling of returned affection, Lexa tightened her grip on the girl.

When the sobs finally settled and Lexa had her breathing mostly under control she pulled back from the younger brunette and placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “I love you Wills,” the words spilled out, “I loved you from the moment your Mama placed you in my arms and nothing is going to change that. What you heard last night was only part of the story. I may not have thought I wanted kids before you came along, but once you did I knew I was always supposed to be a mom. Your mom. And I know I’m not the best mom, but I’m going to try harder. Because I love you Wills, okay?”

Willow offered her mom a small smile and nodded. There was no way she couldn’t believe her. Lexa, who was always so composed and put together and melted completely when she thought Willow was missing. That wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t love Willow. That was when Willow realized that Lexa really did love her, and despite everything, she loved her back. “I love you too Lexa,” Willow spoke before giving her mom another hug.

Clarke watched the interaction from the hallway with her parents, smiling at the exchange. Sure, it had been a horrible morning, but in her eyes, it had been worth it. Clarke was greatly interested in pursing a relationship with Lexa, hell there was a good chance she was already falling in love with her, but as the blonde watched Lexa and Willow, she realized that maybe she needed to step back, and that maybe it was more important for Lexa to forge a relationship with her daughter before she did with Clarke.

But Clarke could wait. And by the look of the embrace the mother and daughter were sharing on the couch, she probably wouldn’t have to wait very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All is well (for now) :)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finn takes fia and jacob for the weekend and lexa teaches willow how to cook

For the weeks directly following Willow’s attempt to run away, Lexa spent more time with her daughter and less time on her laptop. They spent nearly every day in their backyard at the lake with Clarke and her children. It got to the point where Lexa and Willow were always with Clarke and her children. June quickly turned in to July and Finn’s July weekend with Fia and Jacob arrived quicker than they all expected it to. When he pulled up to the house to pick up the kids, Lexa and Clarke had been eating sandwiches on Clarke’s back porch while the kids ate their own sandwiches next to the lake.

“Dad!” both Fia and Jacob yelled as they sprung up from where they were sitting and sprinted toward the car. Finn exited his vehicle and quickly hugged Ophelia, but when Jacob went in for a hug as well, Finn instead ruffled his hair and patted him on the back.

“You kids ready to go?” he asked. “I want to get back on the road before the traffic hits. Harper says she’ll have dinner ready for us when we get back.”  
His children nodded before hurrying inside to grab their bags. By the time they ran inside, Clarke and Lexa had stood up from their seats and approached Finn, Willow trailing behind them.

“So Harper is living with you then?” Clarke asked as an opening statement once she reached Finn.

“Yeah,” he responded with a shrug.

“And you don’t think this is something you should have run by me? I think I have a right to know the people that you’re bringing in to my children’s lives.”

Finn rolled his eyes at Clarke, “Like you bother to tell me about what’s going on here.” To prove his point he gestured to Lexa.

“Lexa is our neighbor, not exactly the same situation.”

“Whatever Clarke,” Finn waved his hand at her, clearly not in the mood.

Jacob ran ahead of Fia, holding out his Mets t-shirt to show his father. “Dad! Look what Lexa got me when we went to the Mets game!” His face was bright and smiling, “I even got it signed! Can you believe that Dad? I met David Wright!”

“Just a neighbor, huh?” Finn raised his eyebrows at Clarke, but spoke in a voice that Jacob couldn’t hear. “When did you go to a Mets game kid?”

“With the tickets I got for my birthday, duh,” Jacob responded, though his sass barely read through with the smile on his face, “It was when you couldn’t come.”

“That was your first game, wasn’t it?” Finn asked. Clarke was surprised that he even remember.  
Jacob nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, and they won and it was so cool! And mom said that she, Fia and Willow saw me and Lexa on TV!”

“Sounds cool kid, now why don’t you get in the car so we can get going,” Finn opened the back door of the car.

Before hopping in, however, Jacob ran over to his mom and gave her a hug, “Bye mom!” he exclaimed, before surprising Lexa with a hug of her own, “Bye Lexa!” He then waved goodbye to Willow and hopped in the car. Fia also gave her mom a hug, as well as Willow, but ignored Lexa as she hopped in the back of her father’s car.

“So it looks like you can’t really talk when it comes to me and Harper when you’ve found yourself someone as well,” he spoke matter-of-factly, not leaving time for Clarke to respond before he got in the car and pulled away.

“What. A. Butthead.” Willow broke the silence after Finn pulled away, causing Clarke and Lexa to both break out in laughter.

“That’s not a very nice thing to call someone,” Lexa reprimanded her daughter, though not very effectively as she was still laughing.

“It’s okay,” Clarke shook her head, “He really is a butthead.” Clarke’s phone began to ring and she took it out of her pocket to see who was calling. “That’s the principal at school. He’s probably calling to see if I can act as the nurse at the summer camp next week. I should take this.”

Lexa nodded and let Clarke walk away. Lexa remembered what she had been talking to Clarke about before Finn’s interruption and turned to Willow to offer the idea, “Hey Wills, what do you think about the two of us making a nice dinner tonight?”

“What kind of dinner?” the girl asked, her voice laced with skepticism.

“I know you think I can’t cook, but I’ll have you know that I actually taught your Mama how to cook.”

“You did?” Willow’s eyes were wide with the new information she was receiving.

“Sure did,” Lexa nodded, “Growing up, my mom made sure me, Anya and Lincoln all knew how to cook and taught us all her best meals.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Lexa spoke, “And I think it’s time I pass down the knowledge. It’s a Woods family tradition that it’s time you got in on.” Lexa held her breath, waiting for her daughter to retort that she was a Crewe-Woods, or even that she wasn’t really a Woods at all, but instead the young girl nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay!” she grinned, “What are we going to make?”

“How does a chicken with sun-dried tomatoes meal sound? Maybe with some rice and good veggies?” They’d been eating a lot of take out and pasta, so vegetables sounded great to Lexa.

“Mama used to make that.”

“I know. It’s a Nana Woods recipe I taught her.”

“And now you’re going to teach me?”

“Sure am kiddo,” Lexa laughed.

Lexa sent a text off to Clarke to let her know that Willow had agreed, and Clarke responded enthusiastically, telling them to have fun. It was Clarke’s optimism that had prompted Lexa to purchase groceries for the meal earlier in the day, so she and Willow were able to get started right away.

“Do we get to wear aprons?” Willow asked with a look of glee on her face.

“Sure, why not,” Lexa laughed as she shook her head, rummaging around before she found two matching aprons that must have belonged to Lexa’s mother-in-law.

After Lexa showed her daughter how best to skin the chicken and flour it, Willow asked her a question. “Can maybe Clarke come over for dinner? We’re making a nice meal and she shouldn’t have to eat alone.”

“Sure we can,” Lexa smiled at the idea, “That’s very generous of you.”

Willow put down the piece of chicken and Lexa could tell that the girl had something else she wan’t to say. Lexa put down the knife she was holding and gave her daughter her undivided attention, waiting for the younger girl to speak first. Finally Willow took a deep breath and spoke what had obviously been on her mind for a while. “Is Clarke your girlfriend?”

The question hit Lexa like a truck. She hadn’t been expecting it. The reality of it held more weight than she was expecting. Willow had run away the morning after Lexa and Clarke kissed and admitted their feelings for each other, and in the few weeks since they hadn’t had the opportunity to really talk about it. They spent every day together, but the kids were always around. They didn’t want to do anything in front of the children. Lexa knew that if things did develop further with Clarke, that she would have to talk to Willow about it, but she wasn’t yet prepared to.

“No, she’s not,” Lexa finally responded. Clarke wasn’t officially her girlfriend, but Lexa knew that there was more to it than that.

“Well she should be,” Willow spoke matter-of-factly. Despite her confident statement, her eyes stayed trained on the chicken. “Because she obviously likes you and I know you like her too. And not like a friend. I think you love each other.”

It took Lexa a moment to register what exactly her daughter was saying. “It’s…It’s complicated Wills.”

“Mama would want you to be happy,” Willow finally looked her, her brown eyes meeting Lexa’s green. “It’s been more than a year. And you’re happier with Clarke than you are when you’re alone.”

“I loved your Mama a lot, and for a long time,” Lexa sighed, walked around the counter to stand beside Willow. She placed an arm around the girl’s shoulders.

“It’s okay if you love Clarke too you know,” Willow’s words were spoken in a tone that made her sound older than her ten years.

Lexa wasn’t sure where her feelings for the blonde lay. She knew she cared for the blonde a lot, but she couldn’t yet place to what extent. “Clarke isn’t my girlfriend Willow, but if she were, would you be okay with that?” Even though she was still trying to figure everything out, she wanted to know Willow’s real thoughts on the matter.

Willow’s opinion was quickly shown by the smile that grew on her face. “I would definitely be okay with that,” she grinned. “But only if you aren’t gross and like kiss all the time and stuff.” Lexa laughed as the girl sounded once again like the ten-year-old she was.

“I’m not sure what’s going to happen with me and Clarke, but if you didn’t want me and Clarke together, I wouldn’t do it,” Lexa assured her daughter, “I love you, and that’s more important to me that having a girlfriend. You know that right?”

“I know,” she nodded.

Lexa gave Willow a side hug and returned to her position cutting the sun-dried tomatoes. They continued their duties in near silence before Willow interrupted it after finishing flouring the strips of chicken, “So what do we do next, Mom?”

Lexa nearly cut herself in surprise at the word Willow had ended her sentence with. Willow hadn’t called her mom in over a year. And now, here she was, saying it like it was nothing, like she said it all the time. Lexa smiled to herself as she responded, “Next we need to sear the chicken in the broth.”

 

* * *

 

Sitting on her back porch, Clarke could see in to Lexa’s kitchen and grinned when she saw Lexa stand beside the younger girl and hug her from the side. She knew she shouldn’t have been invading their privacy, but the sight made her happy. She remembered the way the two acted around each other when they first arrived, like they were estranged relatives with nothing in common, forced to live with each other. Though Clarke knew the two still had their problems, she had witnessed them make great progress.

She was sipping from a glass of wine when Clarke received a text from Lexa, inviting her over for dinner. After confirming with Lexa that it was something Willow was okay with, Clarke changed in to something a little nicer than an old t-shirt, grabbed the cake she’d made out of boredom after Finn had left with the kids and headed over to Lexa’s.

“Oh my god it smells like heaven in here,” Clarke cooed as she let herself in to Lexa’s home. They’d long since given up knocking on each other’s doors.

“It’s chicken with sun-dried tomatoes,” Willow explained as she popped her head out of the kitchen at the sound of Clarke’s voice.

“Yum!” she exclaimed as she walked in to the kitchen.

“Hey Clarke,” Lexa greeted the blonde as a smile as she slipped her apron over her head. As she took it off, the hook got caught in her hair. “Uhh, can I get some help here?” she laughed.

Clarke placed the cake on the counter and came up behind Lexa and helped untangle the apron. As she untangled it, Lexa’s bun came loose and her hair fell over her shoulders. The apron was now free, but Clarke had yet to step away from Lexa. Lexa turned and faced the blonde, pulling her hair over one shoulder.

“Thanks,” she whispered. Clarke’s stomach flipped at the deepening of her voice.

“I brought cake,” Clarke mentally face-palmed herself at the lame response.

“I love cake,” Lexa smiled in response. Realizing that she was still standing close to the woman, Clarke took a step back. “Dinner is just about ready,” Lexa spoke,

“I should go find another hair tie and then we can eat.”

“Don’t,” Clarke responded a little too quickly, “I mean, you should leave it down.”

“Okay,” the other woman responded.

As they ate, Willow talked excitedly about how much she liked cooking and how she wanted to learn new recipes and maybe even learn how to bake and make chocolate mousse. When it came time for dessert, Willow asked if she could eat it in her room so she could finish watching the movie she’d started earlier.

Clarke was surprised that Lexa was quick to allow the young girl to leave, but realized why after Lexa poured them both a healthy glass of wine along with a piece of cake and led Clarke in to the living room. Clarke took Lexa’s lead and sat on the couch beside her instead of the empty chair on her other size.

“It looks like you and Willow had a good day together today,” Clarke spoke after taking a bite of cake.

“We did,” Lexa took a sip of her wine, “Today was a good day. She called me mom.”

Clarke had been chewing on her cake when Lexa spoke and the surprise of the statement caused Clarke to start to choke. Lexa quickly placed her plate and wine glass on the table in front of her and scooted closer to the girl on the couch, patting her back and rubbing circles on it to help clear her chest.

“Thanks,” Clarke spoke as she finally began to breathe clearly. “That’s awesome Lex. I’m really happy for you.” She offered the girl a grin, but could tell there was more that Lexa wanted to say. Lexa’s hands fell from her back and Clarke found herself grabbing them, taking them in hers and intertwining their fingers.

“There was something else,” Lexa spoke. Lexa’s eyes remained on their tangled hands as she continued, “She asked if you were my girlfriend.”

Clarke waited a several beats, taking in the statement before responding, ‘What did you tell her?”

“I told her you weren’t,” Lexa then looked up to meet Clarke’s gaze. “But that’s not all. She also said that she thought you should be. And I know we haven’t really talked much about this since the night at the bar, and I know it’s complicated and moreover, I know this is totally lame to ask, but do you think maybe you’d want to be my girlfriend.”

Clarke sat there in shock. “Wh-what?” she muttered.

Lexa tried to pull her hands out of Clarke’s as she said, “I’m sorry that was dumb.”

Realizing that her response hadn’t exactly been the best, Clarke tugged on Lexa’s hands to keep them on her lap. “Yes.” She spoke, “Yes, maybe it’s a little complicated. And I know I still need to talk to Fia and Jacob about it, but yes. Yes Lexa, you adorable nerd, yes I will be your girlfriend.”

The years seemed to fall for Lexa’s face to where she seemed to be in her twenties, not nearly forty. “Is it bad that I feel like I’m a teenager that just got asked to prom?” the brunette laughed.

“You’re cute,” Clarke laughed back as she let go of Lexa’s hands. She took her own hands and wound them through the hair that Lexa had left down. She looked at the woman, admiring her brilliant green eyes and the soft smile on her face, before she pressed her lips against the other woman’s.

The wine and cake was quickly forgotten, along with the young girl watching a movie upstairs, as Clarke and Lexa found themselves really and truly acting like teenagers as they made out for what could have been hours on the couch. Neither woman was ready to rush their relationship, and they were content to kiss and snuggle on the couch, eventually falling asleep there. And when they Lexa woke up several hours later in the middle of the night, a crick in her neck, she took Clarke’s hand and led her upstairs to her bed, where they fell asleep again, content in each others’ arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've now committed myself to 2 fics and a collection of one-shots (accepting prompts), but this fic is still getting updated at least 3-4 times a week, I promise!
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa turns 40!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SO SO sorry for taking so long to update this! I hit a bit of writer's block, but I've got the next few chapters all sorted out and they'll be up this week. Chapter 9 will 100% be up tomorrow, pinky promise.

The morning of July 31st, Willow woke to her alarm at 6:00am. It was the first time she'd even set her alarm since the end of school and struggled for a few minutes to actually wake up, but knowing her mom would be up in exactly one hour, she got herself out of bed. She crept down the stairs to the kitchen and started on her task. The year before, July 31st had gone by just like any other day. The only person that acknowledged the day was her Uncle Lincoln, but even that was only in a passing remark to Lexa. He hadn't even told his wife what the day was. This year though, Willow knew she couldn't let it pass. She may have had her troubles with her mom, but she knew her momma would never forgive her for purposely forgetting Lexa's birthday again.

So instead of pretending like she didn't know what day it was, like the year before, Willow instead brought back the tradition that had been established back when Costia was still alive. It took awhile, but finally Willow was finally satisfied. There was a chance that egg shells had found their way in to the mix, and most of the mix had been wasted on the burnt pancakes now in the trash, but the final product was as good as any ten year old could manufacture on her own.

Using a chair from the kitchen table, Willow was able to retrieve an old tray that once belonged to her grandparents from above the oven. She arranged the food laden plates so that they all fit and added the adornment of a flower she'd stolen from Clarke's garden. She figured Clarke wouldn't mind, as Clarke was aiding with the rest of the day's activities.

As Willow carefully walked up the stairs balancing the tray, she heard her mom's alarm go off. She'd been hoping to finish before the alarm, so she yelled up the stairs, "Wait! Don't get up Mom!"

She heard no response and figured her mom probably was confused as to what she was doing awake. At the top of the stairs, Willow kicked open the door and with a grin started to sing 'Happy Birthday' to the woman who was still sitting in bed with messy hair and wearing her glasses. Willow watched as her mom's eyes grew glassy as she took in the meal of pancakes and ice cream and the girl who was bringing it to her.

"You made me birthday breakfast?" Lexa exclaimed after her daughter finished singing.

"It's your birthday, so duh," the girl laughed as rolled her eyes.

Lexa set the tray down on the bed and pulled her daughter in to a hug, "Thank you Wills." The older woman then looked down at the number that Willow had outlined with whipped cream on the pancakes, "Ugh, really Wills? I feel old enough as it is. I really don't need the first thing I see in the morning the fact that I'm now forty." She spoke in a joking manner that caused Willow to laugh harder.

"So what was it like when the dinosaurs roamed the earth?" Willow teased, causing her mom to give her a noogie.

“Okay you, now are you going to help me eat this?” Lexa gestured to the food, “I know there’s a reason you picked out the cookie dough ice cream, and it’s not just so that I can eat it all.”

Willow smiled and picked up one of the two forks, cutting off a piece of pancake and smearing it with ice cream before stuffing it in her mouth. Lexa took her own fork and dug in as well. The pancakes were a little doughy and the ice cream a little melted, but it was all perfect.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, here’s the deal,” Clarke spoke after she placed bowls of cereal in front of her children. She took a seat on the opposite side of the table.

“Is something wrong mom?” Jacob asked. Ever since Jacob and Fia had returned from their weekend with Finn, Jacob had been even clingier to Clarke.

“No, not at all,” Clarke shook her head, “In fact I have a few things I wanted to talk to you both about. And their good things.”

“What kind of good things?” Fia asked, suspicious.

Clarke was aware of her daughter’s mood, so she decided to play her cards in a specific order. “Well for starters, today is Lexa’s birthday, and Willow and I organized a surprise for her. We’re going to Six Flags!”

“Yes!” Jacob fist pumped the air, “I’ve always wanted to go to Six Flags!”

“We’re all going?” Ophelia asked. And after Clarke nodded, the younger girl continued, “We’re only going because Lexa is you’re girlfriend, right?” She dropped her spoon in her bowl and trained her eyes on her mother.

Clarke took a deep breath and looked back at her daughter, realizing the girl had probably known for a while that there was something going on between them. “That’s very observant of you Fia,” she began, “Because that is exactly the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. As you both know, I haven’t dated anyone since your dad, but I really like Lexa and she is now my girlfriend. I know this might be an adjustment for you two, but I want you to know that you are still my priority no matter what.”

“Are you and Lexa going to get married?” Jacob asked, a grin on his face.

Clarke laughed at the sight of her excited son, “I think it’s a little soon to be thinking about that.” She was glad that neither seemed to be consumed with the fact that Lexa was a woman. Since the two were young, Clarke had made sure to instill in them a frame of mind where gender didn’t matter, and had spoken equally to them or her ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends.

“Whatever,” Fia rolled her eyes, “It’s not like I didn’t already know that.” She stuffed two more spoonfuls of cereal in to her mouth before pushing the bowl away. “I’m done. Are we leaving soon?”

Clarke sighed and nodded, “We’re leaving in about an hour. And remember, it’s a surprise where we’re going so don’t spoil it for Lexa.”

An hour later, Clarke found herself leaving her kids to put on their shoes while she went over to Lexa’s house. She didn’t bother to knock, but rather let herself in.

“You can’t not tell me where we’re going Willow, if I’m driving, I need to know where,” Clarke heard Lexa sigh from the kitchen.

“Actually, you’re not driving,” Clarke smirked, earning a surprised look from Lexa. “I’m driving. So no, you don’t yet need to know where we’re going.”

“Clarke? What are you doing here?”

“Surprising my girlfriend on her birthday, duh,” Clarke rolled her eyes. If her children had been around she might have toned down the whole mention of the girlfriend, but after spending the previous weekend with only Lexa and Willow, she knew Willow was now comfortable with the idea.

“How’d you know it was my birthday?” the brunette narrowed her gaze.

“A little birdie told me,” the blonde nodded towards Willow, who smirked and gave her mother a little wave. “Willow, why don’t you get Jacob and Fia to hop in the car,” Clarke suggested, to which Willow promptly nodded and left the house. As soon as Willow was gone, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and kissed her long and hard.

“Wait,” Lexa pulled back abruptly, “She didn’t tell you how old I was, did she?”

Clarke let out a little laugh as she nodded, “The big four-oh.”

Lexa groaned and buried her head in to the blonde’s shoulder, “I’m. So. Old.”

“I think it’s kind of hot actually,” Clarke nudged at the brunette’s head until she lifted it.

“So you don’t mind the fact that I’m five years older than you?” Lexa asked, a look of doubt and concern on her face.

“Not. At. All.” Clarke accentuated word with a peck on each of Lexa’s cheeks, followed by her lips.

“Okay,” a soft smile played out on the older woman’s lips. “So are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope,” Clarke stuck out her tongue. “You’ll have to wait and see, come on. Time to go.”

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and pulled her out the door. When Lexa went to pull her hand away after seeing Fia and Jacob getting in to Clarke’s car, Clarke held her hand steady.

“I told them about us,” she reassured the birthday girl.

“How did they take it?” Lexa asked. She knew she was lucky that Willow had been more than okay with it, as of the three children she expected Willow to have the most trouble with it. She knew they’d still have to talk more about it, but she seemed actually happy for the women.

“Jacob is over the moon excited, but that shouldn’t surprise you. He idolizes you,” Clarke grinned, swinging their linked hands between them, “Fia is a little less enthusiastic, but I think she’s fine. It may just take some getting used to for her.”

“Okay, that sounds promising,” Lexa smiled back.

The two women were the last in the car and Clarke quickly pulled out of her driveway to begin the car ride. “So who wants to tell me where we’re going?” Lexa asked, looking in to the back seat. The kids all laugh and shook their heads, even Fia. For the next two hours, Lexa tried to pry it out of them, but no one gave in.

Finally, after the two hour car ride, the started seeing signs for Six Flags, and Lexa knew that’s where they were headed. And suddenly, she wasn’t acting like a forty-year-old, but rather a little kid. “We’re going to Six Flags? I can’t believe we’re going to Six Flags. Do you know how much I love roller-coasters? How’d you know I loved them?” She playfully hit Clarke on the arm.

“It was all Willow’s idea,” Clarke returned.

Lexa looked back at her daughter and gave her a high five, “I love you kid,” she grinned. They had barely pulled to a stop in the parking lot before Lexa was already out of the car, trying to get everyone to hurry up as she bounced on her feet and pointed to the amusement park behind them.

Yeah, it was going to be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know your thoughts! I'm also looking for a beta or someone to bounce ideas off of, so if you're interested, shoot me a message on tumblr!
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's Bday part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this wasn't posted yesterday! I've gotten pretty into my new fic :)

The moment Lexa realized where they were, she began to plan out in her head everything she wanted to do. She hadn't been to Six Flags in years, as Costia hated roller coasters, but that didn't mean she didn't remember the need to go to the biggest rides first.

After Clarke paid everyone's entrance fee, a birthday present she insisted, Lexa dragged them all to the back of the park where all the biggest rides were.  In the first few hours they manage to ride each one once, except the biggest one of all, the Kingda Ka.

"The kids are too short for it," Lexa frowned as she realized she wouldn't be able to ride the one ride she was most excited for. She tried not to show her disappointment, but it was seen by all. Her eyes held all of her emotions, something she'd been told her whole life.

"Wait here," Clarke held up a hand before running away. Lexa and the kids waited a few minutes, talking about their favorite ride so far until Clarke came back wearing a large smile.

"What's so funny?" Fia asked her mom.

"It turns out your mother is a master manipulator and managed to convince the worker over there," she pointed to a women in her late teens, "To watch you three while Lexa and I go ride the Kingda Ka. She's going to go play arcade games with you.”

The kids nodded and Lexa's grin grew bigger. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and hugged her tight.

"Be good!" Lexa spoke to the children before taking Clarke's hand and dragging her to the line.  
They waited on line for forty-five minutes before it was finally their turn. As they were buckled in to their seats, Lexa kept looking at Clarke next to her, acting no better than excited kid.

The ride began and they started their ascent up the biggest drop in the park. They were about halfway up, able to see for miles around them, when Lexa turned to see Clarke's reaction. The smile on Lexa's face immediately dropped as she saw how pale Clarke was and how nervous she looked.

"Clarke?" She asked, "What's wrong?”

Clarke yelped as the ride lurched slightly, still climbing upward. "I'm, umm, sort of afraid of heights.”

"What?" Lexa exclaimed, "But you've been fine all morning?"

"The other ones weren't that bad," she explained, "But oh my god. We're so high up. We're gonna die."

"If you are so afraid of heights, then why did you come on the ride?"

"Because you wanted to. You were so excited about it. I wanted to be here with you."

Lexa's heart leaped, and not because they were nearly at the peak of the ride. She let go of her shoulder buckle and placed a hand on Clarke's tense hand. "You didn't have to do that.

"I know." Clarke looked down at Lexa's hand, "Don't let go of your buckle!"

Lexa chuckled, but obliged her girlfriend nevertheless. Her smile returned as she continued to look at the woman beside her. Only now, it wasn't because of her excitement over the ride. But rather the sudden realization that she was completely and utterly in love with Clarke Griffin. And she was okay with that.

As if she sensed that Lexa was still looking at her, Clarke turned her head and gazed back. She offered a nervous smile and at that moment, the ride lurched in to motion, plunging them towards the ground at an unbelievable speed. Clarke screamed and Lexa laughed.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, they decided it was time to take a break for lunch. Fia and Willow staked a table while Lexa, Clarke and Jacob all went to get the overly priced food. They'd all opted for chicken fingers and french fries, but they were still ridiculously over priced.

As they ate, Lexa made fun of Clarke for being afraid of heights, but all the while sitting as close to her as she could. Clarke didn't mind the teasing. It was playful, and each time Lexa nudged her, she nudged her back. Clarke ate with her right hand and Lexa with her left. Their inner hands connected beneath the table just out of view.

Their children weren't oblivious though, they knew exactly what was going on. So when Lexa got ketchup on the side of her mouth and Clarke wiped it away with her napkin, the three children pretended to be grossed out.

After they finished eating, Jacob asked ,"Can we go play fair games? I want to win a stuffed animal!"

"I saw a princess crown!" Ophelia chimed in.

"And a giant stuffed penguin wearing a bow tie!" Willow added.

The three put on their best puppy dog faces, causing Clarke to laugh. She turned to face Lexa to see what her thoughts were, only to see that the birthday girl was also giving her puppy dog eyes along with a pleading pout.

"Looks like we're going to go play games then!" Clarke laughed, causing the other four to cheer.  
They started to play games, but after they started to run low on game tickets, Clarke volunteered to go buy some more.

She was returning with a whole wheel of tickets when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around quickly to face an older woman, likely just a few years older than her mom.

"Sorry to disturb you," the woman spoke, "But is that your family over there?"

Clarke turned to see where the woman was gesturing. A soft smile fell on her lips as she saw Fia modeling her new crown for Willow who laughed as she curtseyed. Beside them, Lexa was helping Jacob as he through a baseball at a pyramid of milk jugs, aiding his technique. The sight made her smile. She realized then though, that the woman was older and that there was a good chance that she wouldn't have approved if they were a family.

The woman had obviously guessed Clarke's train of thought, and quickly covered for herself, "I was just wondering because I've seen you around today and I just wanted to say what a beautiful family you have. You're kids all get along very well, and you and your wife seem really happy."

Clarke quickly looked around the woman and at Lexa and the kids and she saw them the way the woman was. She saw them as a family. She didn't bother to correct the woman at calling Lexa her wife, because she was right in the only way that mattered. Somehow, she and Lexa, and Fia and Willow and Jacob had become a family.

"Thank you," Clarke finally responded with a smile.

Lexa must have seen Clarke and the woman talking and jogged up to them. She wrapped her arms around Clarke and smiled at the woman.

"Enjoy your day," the woman grinned at the sight of the couple before waving and walking off.

"Come on," Lexa placed a kiss on Clarke's neck, "I'm going to be all chivalrous and win you a ridiculous prize that's way too big and will clutter up your house."  Clarke laughed and let her girlfriend lead her away.

Hours later, Clarke finally pulled in to her driveway. Both her's and Lexa's houses were pitch black, matching the night surrounding them.

Clarke glanced in to the back seat and saw Fia and Willow rubbing their eyes awake. It was nearly midnight, and after they'd gone out to a nice dinner nearby Six Flags, all three children had fallen asleep as soon as they started the car ride home. She and Lexa had already assented to the girls having a sleepover, so they sleepily exited the car and headed towards Clarke's house with their prizes.

Lexa's exited her side of the car and opened the door behind her. She unbundled a still-sleeping Jacob and hoisted him on to her hip.

"I can take him," Clarke held her arms out. Jacob was small for his age, but she figured that he was starting to get to be too old to be carried inside. But he was a heavy sleeper.

"I got him," Lexa waved Clarke away and headed inside.

After tucking Jacob in, followed by the girls, Clarke and Lexa stood in the living room together.

"I guess I should head home then," Lexa spoke, "Thank you for the best birthday."

Clarke closed the distance between them and took Lexa in to a tight hug. As she pulled away, her hand grasped the brunette's. She tugged on the hand and led her towards the stairs, "You're not going anywhere."

Lexa grinned and followed Clarke up the stairs. Clarke stumbled over one of Jacob's toys, causing Lexa to laugh. Clarke help a finger over her lips and shushed Lexa with a smile.

As soon as they were in Clarke's room, Lexa shut the door and pushed the blonde up against it, kissing her passionately. Clarke fell in to the kiss for several moments, before pushing her back off the door, pressing her hand against Lexa's chest until the back of Lexa's knees hit the bed, causing her to sit down on it.

Lexa scooted back on to the bed and Clarke crawled on with her.  In between kisses, Clarke reached for Lexa's shirt and pulled it over her head. She stared at the taut skin unabashedly for several long moments before moving her lips along the visible abs and muscle she found there. She knew Lexa was in shape, but she didn't realize how in shape she was. And suddenly, she grew self conscious about her own body.

Lexa tugged on Clarke's shirt, and Clarke faltered, pulling back.

Sensing Clarke's hesitation, Lexa asked, "Are you okay? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Clarke shook her head vehemently. "No, that's not it. I want to. I mean I REALLY want to." Her eyes raked down Lexa's body, elicit a soft laugh from the brunette. "It's just, I haven't been with anyone since Finn and I don't exactly exercise the way you do. And two kids weren't exactly kind to my body. And I have stretch marks. And my nipple are two different sizes. And I.."

Her rant was cut off as Lexa captured her lips with her own. "You are beautiful," the brunette spoke. She toyed with the edge of Clarke's shirt again, and looked up at her. In those big green eyes, Clarke saw only sincerity, so she nodded and let Lexa pull off her shirt.

She tried to cross her arms in front of her body, but Lexa held them away so she could take in all of Clarke. She looked at her with a mix of adoration and hunger.

After gaining an eyeful, Lexa leaned forward and started placing kisses all over Clarke's skin. On each stretch mark, scar and perfect imperfection.

For five years, Clarke had thought that she was resigned to be a divorced spinster for the rest of her life. She was thirty when she thought she was done with love, but now five years later she'd found it again. But it was different this time. It was safe, and imperfect, a little bit messy, but I was hers. It was theirs. Lexa saw her for her, for all her imperfections. Not in spite of them, but rather because of them.

The words fell out of Clarke's mouth before she had a chance to over think them. "I love you."  
Lexa's lips paused and removed themselves from Clarke's skin. The blonde didn't have time to grow scared though, as Lexa placed her hands on either side of Clarke's face. She kissed her briefly then smiled as she spoke, "Good. Because I was hoping not to have to do the whole awkward one sided thing when I told you the same. Only, I'd expected to say it first." She placed another quick kiss on Clarke's lips before continuing, "I am so incredibly in love with you Clarke Griffin."

The next time they kissed, seconds later, it wasn't as chaste. And that kiss led to more and a night of passion and giggles. Passion caused from the heat between the. Giggles erupted whenever one of them got just a little loud, causing the other to shush her for fear of waking the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, I love your comments/concerns/suggestions
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	10. ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> family breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! I know I haven't updated all week, but I've sort of been on a roll with my new fic Strangers on the Phone. This will be the second to last chapter. Originally it was going to be the last, but I thought of a new way to end it, so that'll be up hopefully sometime this weekend, but I'm going away so I can't be sure I'll have wifi
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy! It's a little different because it's from Fia's perspective, the one character I felt hasn't gotten enough development

When Ophelia Collins woke the morning after Lexa's birthday, she could hear the whispered voices of Clarke and Lexa downstairs in the kitchen and could hear the rattle of kitchenware. They were probably making pancakes. She looked down at the trundle beside her bed and saw that Willow, her best friend, was still asleep.

Ophelia was popular at school, as popular as a rising fifth grader could be anyway. She had a ton of friends, and thanks to divorce guilt, her parents always made sure she had the coolest clothes. She even had friends she considered best friends, or that she had anyway before Willow. Even at the young age of ten, Fia was insecure, always making sure that when she organized spending time with her friends that they were doing something active and fun. Childish things such as watching Disney movies and playing with dolls were out of the question. But not with Willow. Like Ophelia, Willow had left childhood behind too soon, but together they had been able to find it again. Willow had become more than just a best friend to Fia, she'd become a sister. And that made the relationship Clarke and Lexa had even more confusing to Fia, because while it should have made her happy, it didn't.

When Finn had started dating Harper, a woman several years younger than Clarke, Fia had actually been happy about it. Whenever Fia and Jacob went to Finn's for the weekend, Harper would insist that they all do fun things together, like go bowling, play laser tag or go to the arcade. Even though Finn and Harper were only dating at the time, Fia started to see Harper as the fun mom she wished Clarke was. The mom who taught her how to do her make up and read trashy magazines with her. But then Harper got pregnant and engaged to Finn. The fun stopped as Harper became excited about finally becoming a mom. And Fia realized that the woman never was her mom at all.

And now it was happening again, this time with Lexa.

"How long have you been awake?" Willow groaned as she stretched in her arms above her head.

“Not long,” Fia turned on to her side and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking at her friend.

The sound of a pan falling on the ground startled both girls and they heard the sounds of Lexa cursing followed by Clarke’s laughter. “Is my mom here?” Willow asked.

Fia nodded then furrowed her brow, “It’s been a few weeks since you’ve called her Lexa. Why?”

Willow shrugged, not really sure how to explain it to Fia. “She’s my mom.”

“Only legally though,” Fia repeated the phrase her friend had used countless times before.

The brunette shook her head, “I mean yeah, she’s legally my mom, just like Clarke is legally your mom. But you don’t have to be biologically related to someone to be family. I mean, she was the first person after the doctor to hold me, she changed my dirty diapers and taught me how to ride a bike. She loves me and she’s my mom.”

“Oh,” Fia responded, still trying to understand it all. In that moment, the blonde’s stomach grumbled loudly, causing her hands to fly to it and laughter to come out of both her’s and Willow’s mouths.

“Let’s go get pancakes,” Willow grinned. They were ten, heavy topics of conversation were always pushed aside when it came to food.

The two girls jumped out of bed and started thumping down the stairs, but before they turned the corner to the kitchen, Fia held Willow back and poked her head around the corner and observed the two mothers standing there, both in oversized t-shirts and gym shorts that belonged to Clarke. Lexa was holding a spatula, standing next to the stove, while her mom had her arms wrapped around the brunette from behind.

“Have I told you I love you yet this morning?” Clarke asked, kissing Lexa’s neck.

Lexa turned around in Clarke’s grasp and with her free hand brushed a stray strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear. “Maybe a few times, but I’m not opposed to hearing it again.”

Clarke laughed and pressed a chaste kiss against Lexa’s lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lexa smiled back, “Now stop distracting me or I’ll burn this pancake like I have the others.”

Fia then took that as her cue to drag Willow in to the kitchen, “Hi Mom, hi Lexa.” She took a seat at the kitchen counter, “What’s for breakfast?”

Lexa extricated herself from Clarke’s grasp, a blush on her cheeks. She then moved to the side of the stove and grabbed two plates, setting them in front of the girls. One plate had a ‘W’ on it and the other had an ‘O’.

“Woah!” Willow exclaimed, “These are cool!”

“Lexa is quite the chef,” Clarke cooed as she placed silverware, syrup and butter in front of the girls.

Lexa continued to make pancakes while the girls devoured theirs, quickly asking for more. They were on their third pancakes when Jacob finally came downstairs, still wearing his Iron Man pajamas and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hey there little man,” Lexa smiled, “What kind of pancake do you want? I can do a J or one in the shape of a baseball.”

Jacob looked at the woman in confusion, “Wouldn’t a baseball just be a regular round pancake?”

Caught, Lexa simply laughed, “A J it is then.”

The entire morning Fia spent observing Lexa and the way she interacted with Clarke, Jacob and Fia herself. She still acted somewhat cold towards her, but she still reserved the right to change her mind about her mom’s girlfriend. After all, Lexa and Willow would only be at Lake Polis for another three weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, let me know what you think :)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	11. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of the summer has arrived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here it is, the finale!
> 
> lot's of references to the first chapter

It was Lexa’s sister Anya’s idea for her and Willow to spend the summer at Lake Polis. After the one year anniversary of the car accident Anya had brought up to Lexa the fact that she still hadn’t been up to the lake house that had been left to her in the wake of her wife and in-laws’ deaths and that it would probably be beneficial for Lexa and Willow to spend some time together away from TonDC and their apartment that still held the ghost of the woman that best kept their family of three together.

Arriving at Lake Polis, Lexa had had no idea of the family that would result from the trip. She went from a broken family of two, to having her daughter back. She even felt a piece of Costia return through the memories of the time they had spent at the lake. Not only did she feel her dead wife return to her, but she also felt a sense of calm when she thought of the woman, a sort of acceptance that allowed her to move on. Lexa’s family had been so fractured, that she hadn’t even realized how much she wanted it to heal, not until Lincoln, Octavia and their children returned to her life. She didn’t realize she needed more to her family other than herself and Willow, but she did. She always had Anya, but now she also had her brother and sister-in-law, nephews and a niece. Then she had Jacob, a son she never even new she wanted, and Ophelia, the daughter she loved in a different way than she loved Willow. And Clarke. Clarke had become part of her family just as much as the others.

Lake Polis had brought Lexa happiness that she didn’t think she deserved. And that was why she couldn’t say goodbye, and wouldn’t. Clarke and the kids had helped her pack up the car that Thursday night with the knowledge that they would be leaving the following afternoon. After all, Willow started school on Monday. Clarke promised that she would be down to TonDC for Thanksgiving and Christmas would be spent back at the lake. They were going to make it work. Lexa couldn’t handle saying goodbye though, it felt like breaking her family all over again. So she didn’t.

Instead, Lexa woke her daughter up in the middle of the night and told her they were leaving. Willow had complained, but was still half asleep and unable to comprehend the fact that they were leaving under the stealth of night so as to avoid saying goodbye.

The sun had just risen and they were approaching the city of TonDC. They were hitting the city right at rush hour and were stuck in traffic. When Lexa looked in her rear view mirror, she saw Willow watching a movie on her iPad. The girl had been silent the entire car ride, but Lexa had heard her sniffling about an hour earlier. Lexa knew she probably shouldn’t have gotten Willow the iPad for Christmas, she knew that while Willow had been wanting one for ages that Costia had believed she should wait until she was at least twelve to get one, but the rules changed when you were nine-years-old and you lost a parent in a car crash. The rules change when your remaining parent doesn’t know how to deal with the loss, or deal with parenting without her wife. The rules change when watching her open the iPad Christmas morning puts the biggest smile on her face that she’s had since the accident and results in her hugging you and admitting to the fact that she knows Santa isn’t real. Lexa wished the rules hadn’t changed though. Because then maybe her daughter would be talking to her. Did she just ruin all the progress they’d made by tearing her away from her new family?

“Willow will you PLEASE take those headphones off? I need you to read me these directions,” Lexa looked back at the ten-year-old who was fully engrossed in her movie and ignoring everything she was saying. Careful to keep one hand steady on the wheel and her eyes only momentarily off the road, Lexa reached in to the backseat and yanked Willow’s headphone cord out of the iPad.

“Hey!” Willow complained, “What was that for?” Her voice was shrill and full of annoyance and anger. She was so angry.

“You were obviously listening to that too loudly,” Lexa rolled her eyes and tossed her iPhone back at her daughter, “I need you to look at the map and read me the directions, I can’t look down at them while I’m driving and I’m trying to see if there’s a better route to avoid this traffic.”

“Clarke never minds driving in traffic,” the girl in the back whispered under her breath.

“What was that?” Lexa quipped back quickly.

“I said get off at the next exit,” her daughter returned.

Lexa knew better than to reprimand her daughter and continued to follow her directions. For not the first time that day she wished Clarke was there, she wished she’d been able to stay. But that wasn’t entirely true, she could have figured it out. She could have stayed. But is that what she really deserved?

Finally, after what seemed like a detour twice as long as was needed, they were pulling on to their street. “No more movie, we’re home” Lexa spoke sternly as she watched Willow go to plug her headphones back in to her iPad.

“Polis is home.” the girl muttered.

Lexa sighed, realizing that she probably made the worst decision she could have made. Would Clarke, Jacob and Ophelia even want to see her again after the stunt she just pulled? They were probably still asleep, sleeping blissfully without even realizing that they would wake to find their neighbor’s home empty.

They pulled in to the parking garage across the street from their building and both girls exited silently. They each grabbed a bag. Lexa figured she’d unpack the rest of the car later. After pulling Willow from bed, she wasn’t expecting the girl to help unpack. But then again, she also wasn’t expecting the fierce determination with which Willow was hustling towards their building, but figured Willow probably just wanted to lock herself in her room as soon as possible and likely call Ophelia.

Lexa waved hello to their doorman as she followed Willow to the elevator. She had to hustle as Willow was already in an elevator and the doors were closing. She managed to stick her leg in just in time to get it to re-open. The older Woods swore for a second that she saw a smile on her daughter’s face, but with a second glance she saw it wasn’t there and figured it was just optimistic thinking.

They arrived at the eighteenth floor and Willow immediately turned left and started speed-walking towards their apartment. “Can you hurry up?” the girl demanded as she stood in front of the door gesturing to her.

Lexa huffed and readjusted the bag on her shoulder after withdrawing the apartment keys from it. They were on a simple, plain keychain, unlike the keys to the house at Lake Polis. Jacob, Ophelia and Willow had each made a string bracelet for those keys.

When Lexa arrived at the door, Willow stepped aside to allow her mother access to the keyhole. When Lexa looked back at the girl, she definitely saw a smile on her face. She unlocked the door and pushed it open, ready to turn around and ask Willow what she was smiling about. She didn’t need to ask though, because when looked in to the apartment she left behind three months previously, she wasn’t confronted with the ghosts she’d left behind those months ago, but rather those she’d left in the middle of the night.

Standing there, in the middle of the living room were Clarke, Ophelia and Jacob, all dressed in their pajamas with dark circles under their eyes.

 

* * *

 

Clarke had woken in the middle of the night to her daughter pushing insistently on her arm as she spoke, “Mom! Mom wake up!”

“What is it?” she groaned. And then she’d heard the sound of the car pulling out of the driveway next to hers.

It hadn’t taken her long to figure out that Lexa had left because she hadn’t wanted to say goodbye. Clarke understood it, but that didn’t mean she accepted it. It was Ophelia though who had suggested that they follow Lexa and Willow back to TonDC. The plan hadn’t originally been to follow them the entire way, after all it was a long drive, but it had sort of evolved in to that as Clarke realized that in order to say to Lexa what she wanted to say she needed to say it to her face and not just over the phone. Fia and Jacob had surprisingly been very much okay with the trip.

They were about an hour outside of TonDC when Clarke’s phone rang with a text from Lexa. She tossed the phone to Ophelia to read, only it wasn’t actually a text from Lexa, but rather just her phone.

> **Lexa** : It’s Willow. Mom made us leave early, but I didn’t want to. I want to go back home to Polis.

Clarke dictated her response to Ophelia who typed it out and sent it to her best friend.

> **Clarke** : We’re following you, only about an hour away from TonDC. We’ll make sure you come home.  
>  **Lexa** : Mom is making me take her a new way. I can make us take a long way, this way you’re waiting for us when we get home.

Clarke had been definitely impressed by her surrogate-daughter’s quick thinking, and after learning how to find the spare key, Clarke sped up even faster and made her way in to TonDC after clearing the slight traffic. The traffic had lasted less than a mile and she’d known even without Willow’s updates that she’d beat the Woods to their own home.

Clarke let herself and her children in to the apartment with the spare key Willow had directed her to and immediately knew that it was Lexa’s home. The apartment was spotless and the handful of family photos lining the walls and scattered throughout the open living room and kitchen were all framed to perfectly coordinate with the setting. Clarke also knew that the photos were each at least a year old. Costia was in almost every photo, and seeing her again even in photo form after so many years brought back memories of her childhood with the girl.

Framed above the fireplace was a framed photo of Costia and Lexa on their wedding day. Lexa was more than ten years younger there than how Clarke knew her, and seemed infinitely happier. Costia was dressed in a traditional gown while Lexa wore a white suit. Costia was kissing Lexa’s cheek and the smile on Lexa’s face was one that belonged to someone without a care in the world.

“Is that Willow’s Mama?” Jacob asked, pointing to the photo Clarke was staring at.

The boy’s mother nodded, “It is.”

“She looks like Willow,” Ophelia chimed in, “But Willow’s smile looks more like Lexa’s.”

Clarke looked back at the photo and realized her daughter was right, proving that nurture was just as important as nature. She found herself smiling at the realization, wanting to tell Lexa about it, when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She looked at it and read the text.

> **Lexa** : Mom and I just got in the elevator. Be there in 1 minute!

“They’re coming up the elevator now,” Clarke relayed the text to her children as she gathered them towards the front of the living room so that Lexa would be able to see them the moment she opened the door to the apartment.

She heard Lexa’s muffled voice beyond the door along with Willow’s. Clarke’s hand tightened slightly on Fia’s shoulder. She heard the sound of the key in the door and watched the handle turn. The door opened and a moment later, Clarke was facing a very stunned looking Lexa.

“Surprise?” Clarke let out a bit of nervous laughter as Lexa stared at her in confusion.

“Clarke?” Lexa finally spoke, stepping forward a step after Willow pushed past her and ran up to Ophelia, hugging her.

“You left without saying goodbye,” the words fell out of Clarke’s mouth without filter. It was the first thing that had come to her mind, it was the thing that mattered most.

“I couldn’t,” Lexa spoke after several beats of silence, “I couldn’t say goodbye. I never want to say goodbye to you Clarke,” she then shifted her gaze to look at Jacob, Ophelia and then Willow, “Any of you.”

Even though Lexa was speaking mostly to Clarke, she was addressing everyone in the room. They all knew that, and it was Ophelia that responded. “You don’t have to say goodbye.” Everyone’s eyes quickly darted to the young blonde. Ophelia paused, taking in the fact that everyone in the silent apartment was waiting for her next words. After all, she was the one who appeared to like the whole situation the least. “You don’t have to say goodbye, because you don’t have to leave. You can come back home, come back to Polis. Because family doesn’t say goodbye.”

Clarke’s eyes quickly shifted from her daughter to Lexa, trying to take in her reaction. Because she was nearly as shocked as Lexa that Ophelia had chosen to speak the way she had.

“I think we’re supposed to be a family,” Ophelia continued, “All of us.” She gestured between them. “Because family isn’t just about blood. It’s about who you love and who loves you.” This time the girl looked at her best friend, having finally understood what she’d meant.

“Can’t Willow just go to school with me and Fia?” Jacob asked.

Clarke could read Lexa’s emotions well, it had taken a while, but she’d finally figured out how to do it. And in that moment, she knew that Lexa was entirely overwhelmed. “Wait here,” she spoke to the children, walking forward to grasp Lexa’s hand. Lexa let her drag her in to the closest room. Clarke knew right away it was Lexa’s room. The room was void of any kind of personality. The only personal feature in the room was a dual frame on the bedside table. On one side was a picture of Costia making a funny face, the other side held a photo of a younger Willow making the same funny face.

Clarke quickly shifted her gaze from the photos to the slightly freaked out Lexa. The blonde placed a hand on each of Lexa’s shoulders and looked her right in the face. “Lexa, babe, I can tell you’re freaked. Talk to me, what is it?”

“I…I don’t deserve it,” she sputtered, shaking her head, “I don’t deserve you or your family, I don’t deserve any of it. I already broke one family, I can’t do it again.”

“Oh Lex,” Clarke sighed, her heart breaking with Lexa’s devastation. “You didn’t break your family, some times things just happen for stupid reasons, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a family again.”

“I was too busy with work to go with her the night of the accident, it’s the only reason I’m here, I broke our family because I put work first.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Clarke shook her head, “If you had been there, Willow would have been an orphan. And I never would have met you. And Jacob would still never have gone to a professional baseball game and Ophelia would still be a pissy tween who doesn’t understand what family is.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded, “But…but I mean…I know, logically, that it wasn’t my fault. But I still feel like I don’t deserve to be so happy. I don’t deserve you or our family.”

Despite Lexa’s words, Clarke felt herself smiling because Lexa had directly referenced their family. “We’re already a family,” Clarke explained, “Please don’t break it. Please come back. We’ll figure it out. You said you could work from anywhere, you told me that. So why do you need to leave? I’m not begging you to be there just because I love you, but because I love us and I love our family.”

Clarke watched Lexa’s eyes shift from uncertainty to something softer. “Okay,” she spoke, “I can do this. I just, I just have to register Willow for school in Polis and talk to my boss. I’ll probably still have to spend a few days a month in TonDC, so I should probably keep my apartment here. Then I need to figure out what we need from here to move to the house in Polis, and are we going to live together? Because Fi and Wills have sleepovers nearly every night already and I’d like to stay with you every night and holy shit I just made an assumption I shouldn’t have and..”

Clarke cut Lexa’s rambling off with a kiss as she wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck. The blonde then laughed as she pulled away just slightly, “Lexa, it’s okay. We’ll figure it all out. Together. And we’ll figure out the living situation because you’re right, it seems silly to have to houses next to each other when we all just want to live in one together. But we’ll figure it out, okay? But for now, let’s just say we’ll go back home, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, “But maybe we should nap before we make the drive back because I’m exhausted.”

“Me too,” Clarke’s laughed in response.

“So we’re going to do this then,” Lexa confirmed.

“Yeah.”

Their quiet conversation was quickly interrupted by the sound of cheering on the opposite side of the door. Their children had obviously been eavesdropping.

“You guys can come in!” Lexa announced with a laugh. Willow opened the door and three heads popped in. Lexa shifted so that one arm was wrapped around Clarke’s side. She then gestured to the children as she spoke, “Come on, family hug.”

Everyone smiled as they all clumped together in their first family hug. They laughed when Willow glared at Jacob after her elbowed her by accident. Yeah, they were going to be a family alright, sibling rivalries and all.

And they did.

They became a family. First they moved in to Clarke’s house in Polis. Then they sold the old Crewe house. They sold it as a second home to Lincoln and Octavia and their ever-growing brood of children. A year later, Lexa sold the apartment in TonDC, having found a job that didn’t require her to travel to the city, writing online content. Finally, two years after that, Finn gave up his legal custody of Ophelia and Jacob after much pressure from Lexa and Clarke. And once Finn gave up his legal right, Lexa was able to adopt Jacob and Ophelia and Clarke adopted Willow.

But of course before that happened...

 

 

There was a wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad to see this one end! I really loved exploring a different kind of clexa story that focused on family just as much as the clexa relationship
> 
> anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! I'd love to hear any last thoughts/comments/etc. you have on it!
> 
> find me at madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com where I will be working on new pics and fangirling over everything clexa and the 100 
> 
> also send prompts for anything you'd like me to write, whether it be one-shots or full pics!


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